For far too long I have put off writing this blog…not because I didn’t want to, simply because I do not know how to put training camp into one post. Since I returned from Gainesville, I have received lots of questions. I hope that this blog can provide clarity and show you how much the Lord is already working in my heart.
The best way I know how to describe training is imagine if military boot camp and churh Bible camp had a baby, that is World Race training camp. It’s hot, you don’t know anyone, there is so much going on, and I had to take bucket showers and use an outhouse. I went into training expecting all of those things, but what I didn’t expect is to experince the Holy Spirit in ways that I never have before. The lasting friendships that I have already begun, the worship, the teaching, and the time with the Lord far outweighs any physical hardship I experienced in those ten days. I’ll be honest there were times that I was miserable in the heat, and I wanted to complain. There were times it felt like I had been there for 3 months not 3 days, and I was exhausted physically, and mentally. There was strange food, and not as much as I am used to eating. There were weird sleeping scenarios that are realistic for the race, such as sleeping in an airport. There was always people in my space and speaking sometimes difficult truth into my life. If you know me that kind of community is something I have a hard time with. Don’t get me wrong I love people, but I also enjoy being alone sometimes. However, despite all of those things, spiritually I was so full. There were intense worship sessions where I experienced the Holy Spirit…God made Himself real to me. He spoke truth to me about who I am in Him, and about how much He loves me. He showed me that He has big plans for my life, and revealed to me so many lies that I was choosing to believe.
Satan was feeding me the lies of: I am unworthy, I am not wanted, I am not loved, I am under qualified, I am not pure, I am not enough.
But God said: I made you worthy, I want you, I love you, I equip the called, I have made you a new creation in me, you are enough for me. Never have a felt so loved by the Creator and my Heavenly Father. When we stop clinging to the lies that satan wants us to believe, and start proclaiming truth over ourselves, our perspective changes.
I could go on and on about the many things that the Lord taught me in those 10 days, but I want to share the biggest thing that the Lord spoke to me. During my quiet time, the Lord lead me to Ephesians 3: 20 which says, ” God can do anything you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess, or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.” God spoke to me saying that He has big plans for my life and to not be afraid, He then reminded me of Joshua 1:9 which encourages us to be strong and courageous. All week I was so focused on what my gifts are, and what I have to offer the Lord, but I was missing it. It’s NOT about performance or what I can do for the Lord. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying don’t work hard or do not put in any effort. However when it becomes about what we can do, then the focus is no longer on how powerful God is.
I realized that it’s okay that I do not necessairly know what my gifts are, or what I offer to my squad because God says he is going to use me. That is enough for me because, God does not break His promises.
In the weeks that I have been home from training camp, satan has attacked hard core with feelings of doubt, insecurity, inadequacy, and fear. Bringing up past sin patterns in my life, and throwing past mistakes in my face. If I’m being honest satan has won a few of those battles and I have felt so defeated. However yesterday, God used Exodus 5 & 6 to remind me that He is Yahweh. In Exodus 5, Moses questions God, asking “Lord, why did you send me?” God reminds Moses in chapter 6 of who He is and that He does not break His promises. It was exactly what I needed, God is giving me strength to fight the enemy.
With all of that being said, I am still $2,605 short of my September 16th deadline. I must meet this goal in order to launch with my squad on October 1st. I know that the Lord is going to provide, because He said that He will. I am just learning that God’s way of providing does not always line up with how we think He should do it. It is not about what I do, it’s about how sovereign He is. If you feel the Lord calling you to donate, please follow this link and make a donation!
Please continue to pray for me, and my squad as well. There are other members of my squad who have not met there September 16th deadline as well. I am proclaiming in the name of Jesus that He will provide for myself, and the other members of my squad. Stay tuned for what the Lord is going to do in our first country, Honduras!
