Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24
Last week, my team and I were given the opportunity to visit an orphanage for children and adults with disabilities. I was super excited since I love working with and serving persons with disabilities. I have been around disabled people in some capacity my entire life and viewed this as an opportunity to be a leader to my team. Our ministry contact had informed us that the conditions of the orphanage had improved a lot over the last several years after a documentary was made about the orphanage. This of course meant that we could not take pictures, as the workers at the orphanage feared that the kids there would be exposed. We were told that the government had come in to teach the workers how to care for the orphans.
When we started singing songs, I immediately went over to the kids to play with them. Although I instantly fell in love with the kids, the thought that first crossed my mind was, "they call this progress?" The orphans were very dirty and covered with food, dried blood, and various other body fluids. Their behaviors were animalistic and nothing was being done to teach them otherwise. Their independence and human rights were also clearly being restricted. I immediately went into shock but continued to play with the kids as though nothing was wrong. Inside however, I was fuming. This would totally be condemned and become national news in America. My head was spinning with thoughts of, 'this is what the government considers okay?, why haven't these people been better educated?, why hasn't someone stepped out and done something to better these kids' situation?' All of the sudden, that still, small voice drowned out the booming thoughts in my head. The voice said, "you do something about it. You change the situation." I knew whose voice it was. God wrecked me at that moment. He clearly sent these orphans to mess me up. Especially Bobi, a 23 year old who was the size of a 5 year old and had such a severe cleft palate that the bottom of her nose and her upper lip basically were none existent. I could have taken her home with me. She brought me so much joy and I saw her through God's eyes. I didn't see what most people would call a deformity. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. Looking through God's eyes, I made the decision to absolutely follow God in doing something to change things for these people.
Later that night, I shared with my team how God was moving in my life. As my teammate Frank was praying over me, he mentioned that I was denying myself and taking up my cross. Well, Frank might as well have hit me with a baseball bat because I realized in that moment that devoting my life to disabled orphans around the world might mean giving up my dreams. Since, like everyone else in the world I am selfish by nature, I immediately turned into a moody teenager, slammed the door in God's face and cranked up the music so I couldn't hear him. The entire weekend was a wrestling match. But we went back to the orphange today and God won. After visiting the orphans who were considered so severe that they were not allowed to leave their beds (although in America, these same children would go to school and dbe accepted in the community), that I kind of decided to read past Matthew 16:24, to verses 25 and 26, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"
