I like to be in control.
Seriously, though.
I like to know what’s going on, how it’s happening, who’s involved, when it’s going down, and all the details of it. It doesn’t matter what “it” is, I just want to know.
Sometimes this is a good thing. I always make sure things get done, and it’s organized. However, when it comes to my overall life and trusting God, this method isn’t so effective. As much as I try to let go of my plans and let God take over, somehow I always seem to put my iron fist grasp back on it at some point.
God is breaking my iron fist. And it hurts.
I just got back from a week long training camp in Georgia, which was preparing us for the World Race. I went there thinking I was on one squad, and left going with a totally different squad. Talk about change.
The squad I thought I was going with was an awesome group of 50ish people, going to the 11 countries I’ve been talking about since I announced I was going. I made tshirts with these countries on them, memorized the countries in order, developed relationship with my squadmates, and was 100% committed to this route.
When I got to training camp, they told us that 8 girls were having to switch to a different squad. This meant different people, different countries (that I didn’t even know), and this also meant that I was no longer in control of anything.
Of course, God told me to switch. Clear as day.
After standing up and committing to switching, I began crying. A lot. And I don’t cry. Getting your iron fist of control broken hurts, and I was feeling the pain.
The next morning during my quiet time with the Lord, He began speaking to me and revealing why I had to switch. I had forgotten the real reason for going on the World Race in the first place. It had become just an adventure to me. Just a year to get away, take cool pictures, and develop awesome stories. However, that’s what tourist do, and I’m not a tourist, I’m a missionary.
Ultimately, it shouldn’t matter where I’m going, who I’m going with, or what “cool” places I get to see. The only thing that should matter is that I’m going exactly where God has called me. Although I will probably go on awesome adventures, take great pictures, and share cool stories, that’s not what it’s about. It’s really about sharing the love of Jesus with a world who is desperate for it. To pray for the sick, hug the orphans, feed the hungry, and help the developing churches. Ultimately, bringing hope to the hopeless.
I’m so glad God taught me this lesson now, and not while I was on the field. I now can say that I have surrendered this trip to Him completely. It’s no longer about what I want, it’s about what He wants me to do.
After finding out what countries were on my new route, I was SO stoked! Here are my new countries:
Dominican Republic, Haiti, Guatemala, Honduras, Mozambique, Zimbabwe, Malawi, Cambodia, Thailand, Burma, and the Philippines. – They call it the “summer route” because it will literally be summer in all the countries while we are there! Hello tan skin! 😉
Also, my new squad is great! Here is a picture of there lovely faces!
I now know that I was hand placed on this team by God, and there is no looking back. I can’t wait to see all that God has in store. His plans are SO much better than mine, and when I let go of control, He brings me into far greater things than I could imagine.
