As you read this, keep in mind that this came as more of a shock to me than it will be to you. I am still processing what happened yesterday and I ask for your patience as God speaks to me in this season.
Yesterday was the third full day of Training Camp for the World Race. Up until then, I was doing great. I had no problems sleeping in my tent or keeping up with the busy schedule, and I actually really enjoyed the bucket showers. Don’t get me wrong, it was definitely a hard few days, but it was a refreshing challenge for me.
However, I knew something was off on Sunday morning. I had been told the night before that I would have a meeting that I would have to be at during the morning session. I figured that it must be something very important to warrant pulling me out of worship and the lecture.
Without going into a ton of detail, I was told that the World Race staff did not feel as though they were setting me up for success by launching me in July, and, therefore, I would be leaving Training Camp right away.
I understand where they are coming from. I really do. But it still hurts to know that I have now been turned down twice, this time after raising half of my funds, collecting all of my gear, and even starting Training Camp.
I left right away for the airport with all of my gear, and proceeded in failing to hold back tears during the entire trip from Gainesville to Atlanta, several hours in the airport, the flight to Orlando (because it makes sense to go south first before going north), and the entire flight to Buffalo.
I don’t understand what God is doing. He had provided so much for me to prepare for the Race, and now I can’t go. I’m continually reminding myself that He knows what’s up and that I just need to trust Him. Plus, He has been reminding me to trust Him as well.
In worship on Saturday night, I had a vision of myself standing at the edge of a plank on a ship, with my hands tied behind me and my eyes looking into the murky dark waters below. I had two options. I could turn back to those who had nothing to offer me but death, or I could jump and trust that God would catch me and that I would walk away on the water, safe in His arms.
Shortly after this, someone told me about a vision that she had of me laying on the grass. Jesus came and lifted me up by the hand, and we began to dance. As the dance grew faster and more intricate, I kept my eyes on Jesus. People gathered around to watch, and started dancing as well, but my eyes remained on the One who led me in the dance.
These two visions clicked with me right away, and even more so after I learned that I would be leaving Training Camp early. Trusting God is the only thing I can do that will fulfill the purpose that He has for me. I don’t know the dance, but if I keep my eyes on Him and refrain from focusing on anything else happening around me, I will move in sync with Him and create something far more beautiful than I could ever imagine.
Going backwards is not an option. The past has nothing new to offer me, and can only keep me in bondage. I have to jump into what God has for me, even if it isn’t what I thought it was.
I haven’t made any decisions as to what to do next. I will never give up my heart for missions work. I am a missionary and I always will be. I long to see justice brought to the nations, and to see new generations of missionaries coming forth to share an undying love with the lost and broken people of this world. What this will look like, I have yet to know.
Bear with me as I work out what my next step is. If you have donated toward my World Race, the money will be held under my name, should I wish to apply for another trip with Adventures in Missions. If I do not, rest assured in knowing that the money will still be blessing people all over the world.
I apologize for this situation. I am heartbroken, shocked, and ashamed of how much trouble this has caused.
Thank you all for your prayers and your patience. God Bless.
