They told me they’d give me a script. They’d give me a few lines to memorize (actually, I wouldn’t even have to memorize them, they’d just feed them to me so I could repeat for the camera), I’d sit on a cute couch and be appropriately bubbly and reflective and wise. They’d recruit a few other “actors” as well and use their editing magic to make us all look profound and we’d have a nice video.
They lied.
I showed up to film and found out we were going a different direction. One that required me to be real. And honest. And raw.
And I panicked.
I didn’t want to think back on my college self. The real one, not the one I choose to remember in my mind. Because I had too much to say and not enough time to think and while I loved college, there are SO many things I wish I’d known then.
Like the fact that hair dye out of a box in a community bathroom is never a good idea.
That there were other tables in the dining hall besides the first one on the right. And the people that sat at them weren’t really all that scary.
Or that even though my grades might not matter that much in the long run, the work ethic I developed during those years would stay with me a lot longer.
Sometimes the lead in the play isn’t actually the best part.
I didn’t know everything.
I’d end up with far more questions than answers and that’s really ok.
That phrase, “It’s like riding a bike?” Yeah, that didn’t come back to me so easily.
Running away doesn’t actually solve anything.
My dreams were far too small. I’ve already outlived them.
I couldn’t think fast enough to say all of that in this video. (That they did an incredible job with, by the way. The editing magic part isn’t a joke.) But I am worth more than I ever thought I was. The world is truly bigger than I could ever have imagined (and smaller too.) And that boy really did break up with me in an email. But maybe that’s because it’s the only way I’d listen.
Check out the video we made and leave me a comment. What would you say to your college self?
