If you know me, or really just have ever had a conversation with me, then you know how much I love Disney World. So much so, I feel like love is not even a strong enough word here.
Growing up in Florida I have never lived more than two hours away from the happiest place on Earth, and I would like to say I have taken full advantage of that fortunate geographical occurrence in my life.
Before going on the Race, I had been an annual pass holder the previous few years, and it was the best money, before my Race gear, I had spent in my post-grad years. Honestly, with the amount of times I went, the pass paid for itself in extreme happiness had.
And even after going around the world, seeing and experiencing all that I have on the Race, it still will forever be one of my favorite places.
Because you see, for me Disney is so much more than an amusement park for kids. For me it is a beacon of hope which told me it is ok to be fully who I was, and where no one expected me to be anything less.
It was a constant reminder that dreams were not meant to only happen when you slept, but to be realized when you are awake and be lived out wholeheartedly by the dreamer.
In my ‘adult’ life at the park, I realized part of my full self is a ridiculous adult who loves matching fanny packs, finding joy in all the things, and geeking out over a shared love of a place – all of which I found to correlate with the Race as well.
It was a place where it was impossible to find me in a bad mood or with a huge amount of happiness not overwhelming my heart.
It is a place where cast members say things like, “Excuse me ma’am, I think you dropped your smile!” in the 2 minutes you aren’t smiling because you are on a mission to make it across the park in record time to make a fastpass, and you smile at the fact that a grown man just said that to you.
It is where my bench in the World Showcase Italy pavilion resides overlooking the lake at Epcot. One of my favorite places to just exist in and sit with the Lord in the midst of the chaos of the park and life.
Where my best friends have come alongside me and endured matching me while I spouted off random facts about Walt’s world that I have reveled in filling my brain with.
So what does any of this have to do with the Race and me coming home?
Here is my awkward but subtle transition into the answer to your question…
For me, a day at Disney is an extraordinary day full of so many memories, but at the same time, it is one of the most exhausting experiences. By the end of the day, my feet no longer want to carry me and my legs turn to jell-o, but I still do not want to leave.
For all of the joy the day brought me and melancholy at the end of it, I know another day will come again. But when walking out of the park and accepting the day is over, the reality hits me that the day is done. I’m going home and I am joyful, but I am drained.
And I am coming home from the Race and I have ALL the feelings.
You don’t think about leaving when you first get there, yet the day is over before you can blink.
Trying to capture the magic of Disney and ending the Race and put it into words to explain is like trying, if I may be extremely cheesy here, to capture and explain all of the colors of the wind like Pocahontas did.
I can sit here and tell you stories and the bright beauty of it all, but explaining something that needs to be experienced, needs to be felt brush up against your face and lived through, is near impossible.
The weight of it all sits heavier on me than I’d like to admit.
This past year, I took on and got fully blasted in the face with all the colors of the wind like Melissa McCarthy with confetti when she sang on Jimmy Fallon’s lip sync battle stage.
So much happened and changed me, challenged me.
So many authentic foods were eaten that I will never consume again (some gratefully so more than others – I’m looking at you Cambodian silk worms.).
So many cultures were embraced as I immersed myself in them each month, along with many embarrassing moments adapting to them.
So many awkward conversations restricted by language barriers took place.
So many new friendships formed who have challenged me and accepted me, and who now live all over the world.
So much joy was felt.
And thinking about explaining all of that to my people at home leaves my legs feeling a bit like jell-o.
This year I adorned myself with a 50 lb. electric blue pack rather than a purple fanny pack with Mickey’s face on it. I found my ‘Italy bench’ favorite place to sit with the Lord in 11 new places around the world. I broke my permanent retainer eating too many jujubes. Instead of Mickey Bars and Pizza Planet, I ate lime green noodles and genuine pad thai in Thailand, authentic gyros in Greece, and fried bananas and tea to die for in a bag in Cambodia. I have seen the most breath taking views in my own backyard.
I adventured the world with Jesus, and now I am facing the end of the day and the park is closing.
But I still have two weeks left, the day isn’t over, so I still have the Wishes fireworks display left to look forward to. There is still wrapping up here in Vietnam and then our final debrief, preparing us for the ride home.
But after the large, ominous grey smoke clouds settle from the incredible pyrotechnic display and the sky quiets down, the crowd will surge towards the front gates and out to their cars.
On July 24th, I’ll head to the airport in Ho Chi Minh. The smoke from the fireworks of the Race will settle behind me as I duck my head one last time to get on the plane, and then I will take off to America.
I do not know if I will ever process it enough and be completely ready to come home, or be able to explain it fully to you. But to my people at home know this – it has been an adventure to discover my dreams and who my full self is. I am exhausted but also full of joy when I look at the past 11 months and I cannot wait to share my stories with you.
I just ask for grace when I try to explain to you the colors of the wind the Race blew at me.
This is not yet my full end of Race blog, but a ridiculous analogy I came up with the other day, when I realized coming home made me feel exactly like this picture with two of my favorite humans at Space Mountain.
