It’s hard to begin to put into words what I have been feeling and thinking this past week. My heart is aching for so many reasons. I am currently completely surrounded by the physical beauty of God; the huge waves here at the surfing capital of the world in El Sunzal, El Salvador and the bright shining sun I wake up to every morning are blessings from the Lord. As I sit here during this time our squad has to rejuvenate before our next month of ministry my heart and mind are not far away from what I was doing just a week ago in Honduras.
I spent last Saturday afternoon at the dump with my squad feeding and loving on the 2,000 some families that live there. There was great desperation and deep need there that we could barely begin to fill. My heart broke as I saw young girls and boys run to the dump truck as it dumped the fresh load of garbage out to see what recyclables or items worth any value would be in that trash heap. These kids didn’t have aspirations to be doctors or politicians like kids do in America. Most of them won’t go to school or might not ever leave the dump for another life. Instead they learn how to sort through garbage and sniff whatever might get them high for a while. People living among hundreds of cattle and huge black birds flying around along with all the creatures we couldn’t see under all the garbage. I couldn’t help but feel out of place and uncomfortable in such a desperate dirty place. As we pulled away I could feel God’s heartbreak over his children that lived in that place.
Another Saturday we spent in a neighborhood that has been closed off to North Americans because of the prevalent gang activity. As our bus pulled up we were reminded multiple times how dangerous of an area we were in and to be extremely careful. All of these warnings definitely put me on edge wondering what possibly could happen to me or my squad. All of the kids swarmed us and with our limited Spanish we communicated the best we could and loved on the kids, painting the girls finger nails, playing soccer, jumping rope, playing other games with the kids. Everything went so well and we were able to bless the kids with some toys and we were able to act as Jesus’s hands and feet holding the kids and showing them love.
I have recently dealt with being sick. I have felt nauseous with no appetite and a fever along with other unpleasant symptoms. I have not felt actually sick to my stomach like this in years; it has been very difficult for me to deal with this in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar environment. I felt sick like this the last 3 days we were in Honduras and the first couple days of being in El Salvador. Being in the extreme heat with little relief and no escaping the 40 other people around me was very challenging. I felt God’s grace through several individuals who were extremely caring and helped me greatly during some of my worst moments. One specific girl on my squad; Freta extended her love towards me and cared for me so well. I felt Jesus through her- like that’s how He cares for His kids when they go through hard times. His compassion and burden for our pain is much greater than whatever we are feeling that is uncomfortable.
Leaving Honduras bright and early this past Saturday morning was sad. Saying goodbye to the boys at Zions Gate who had become somewhat like little brothers to me and feeling their sadness that we were leaving was difficult. I know that we impacted their lives though being there. Honduras was a great way to begin this Kingdom Journey and gave me a great base to build on these next 10 months.
(Photos by Emili Carmichael)
