I have kind of a huge confession to make.
My life is falling apart, and I blame Jesus.
I am not comfortable anymore, and I blame Jesus.
My faith is changing, and I blame Jesus.
I am doing things I never thought I would do, and I blame Jesus.
Have you ever noticed that when you make a big life change, your world (as you know it) starts to fall apart? What was once a very comfortable situation all of a sudden becomes immensely uncomfortable? You start to challenge your way of thinking, and often think am I crazy? You start to doubt your abilities and passions? You wonder what in the world am I doing? You start to blame someone else for your decisions and choices? Just as I blamed my friends for making me squeeze into that tuba locker. Oh by the way, we completely 100% made it back and joined the marching band without one person noticing, or at least without anyone saying anything. If you don’t know what I’m talking about check out my first blog, This One Time At Band Camp……
All of this introspection has gone through my head since I got accepted to go on The World Race and made my commitment deposit of money. These are constant, daily thoughts that cruise at turbo speed through my conscience. I came to the realization that I have been blaming one person for all of this, and it is Jesus.
Jesus made me do it.
That’s as plain and simple as I can explain all of this. This was NOT my idea. This was NOT in my 5 year plan. This was NOT on my radar of life goals. This was NOT one of my affirmations written on my bathroom mirror. This was NOT how I thought I would be spending my 30th year of life.
And for that I want to say, THANK YOU JESUS FOR WRECKING MY LIFE.
Even though my life as I know it is falling apart, I KNOW You will put it together even more beautiful than I can even imagine.
Even though I am incredibly uncomfortable, I KNOW You are all the comfort I need.
Even though my faith is changing, I KNOW You are helping me grow in YOU.
Even though I am doing things I never thought I would do, I KNOW You will be there by my side and are teaching me to never stay ignorant.
I give You full permission to WRECK me Lord. How has Jesus wrecked your life?
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.
James 4:10
