I have prayed this prayer over and over and over again on the World Race. I have had people pray this prayer over me. I have wanted to have a glimpse into the heart of Jesus. Well, just as Jesus likes to do, he showed up and I got what I asked for.
God has broken my heart for what breaks His.
It’s amazing that it took me this long for it to hurt like this. It’s amazing that this didn’t happen Month 1. Maybe it did and I just don’t remember, but the Lord knew just what heart string to pull, in His perfect timing, to make an impact like this.
I want to tell you 2 different stories from 2 different countries that both have made me pick up all the broken pieces of my heart.
TINY DANCER
In Honduras my team and I were partnered with an organization that has a children’s home and jungle school. Every single day I was with children. Every single day I saw them through the eyes of Jesus. Every single day I was reminded of one simple thing.
Love goes a long way.
One Sunday we were at church and we were watching the girls of the children’s home dance to a very beautiful melody with ribbons twirling and their dresses sparkling. I was in awe of how beautiful they looked. I was smiling from ear to ear. I was clapping like a happy mom. I was just so dang proud of these little girls.
Then one of the girls made eye contact with me. That’s when my heart tore apart.
A tear fell from my face.
As I wiped that tear away I was reminded that these girls don’t have a mom and dad to beam with joy. These girls don’t have a mom and dad to bring them roses after an amazing performance. These girls don’t have a mom and dad to make eye contact with during their performance.
Why God? Why did you let this happen to all of these beautiful little girls? Why can’t they know what it feels like to see their parents welling up with tears because they are so proud? Why are there orphans in the world? Why do you give precious children to undeserving parents so they can abandon them? Why do these children have to go through so much in their few years on this earth? Just why God?
All of these thoughts flooded my brain. All of these thoughts made me upset. All of these thoughts led to one answer.
“Kelli, my heart is broken too.”
Teen Mom
This month we are in Guatemala and we are working with an amazing organization called Blue Water Surrender. We had the opportunity to travel across the country and visit a “Safe House” for children without parents. As we walked in I was overwhelmed with how many children were living in this home. I was overwhelmed with the smell of feces because two little boys had pooped themselves and were running around naked. I was overwhelmed with the amount of love the children craved from us.
I knew I was going to be hanging out with the teenage girls, so I went right over to them and started a conversation with my really broken Spanish. They were laughing (probably at how funny I must sound trying to speak Spanish) and I knew all of us had an instant bond. I got to spend some quality time with them during our 2 day stay and I really grew to love these girls. I shared my testimony and how much Jesus has transformed my life and I could tell they were touched.
As I walked into the Safe House on Day 2, I didn’t know how much my heart was going to break. I saw one of my teen girls talking to the house father and she was crying. The man was disciplining her because she wasn’t doing her morning chores.
I remembered the day before that she said she had a baby who was in the hospital, so I had a translator ask her how her baby was doing and she cried more. That’s when everything changed.
I found out the truth. This sweet 15 year old didn’t run off and get pregnant by her boyfriend like I had assumed. This sweet, precious, kind, loving 15 year old was raped by her own father and got pregnant. The baby was in the hospital because she was born prematurely after her own father beat the baby from her belly. The sweet baby was born blind and with esophageal problems.
I lost it.
I couldn’t stop crying and neither could the teenage mother.
All I could do was embrace her in my arms and cry. Embrace her and pray. Embrace her and speak truth over her. Embrace her and cry out in brokenness to God.
Why God? Why did you let this happen? Why does this sweet girl have to deal with this? Why does she have to live with this pain? Why can’t you take away the disgusting people of this world? Why God? Just why?
Once again all of these thoughts flooded my brain. All of these thoughts made me upset. All of these thoughts led to one answer.
“Kelli, my heart is broken too.”
When I prayed the prayer, “Jesus, break my heart for what breaks yours,” I never knew it would feel like this. My heart has been shattered. My heart will never be the same. My heart has been transformed.
Jesus has a tough job up there.
I wish I had the answer for why bad things happen. I wish I had an answer for why there are so many orphans in the world. I wish I had all the answers to make everything whole and perfect again.
But I don’t.
Only Jesus does.
When I feel my heart starting to break, I know Jesus is reminding me of just how much He loves each and every person on this earth.
When I feel my heart starting to shatter, I know Jesus is reminding me that He is the only one that can be a perfect father to the orphans of this world.
When I feel my heart starting to change, I know Jesus is giving me a chance to pour out His love on His children.
When I feel my heart transform, I know Jesus is bringing this world one step closer to His Perfect Kingdom.
I don’t know why bad things happen, but I do know one thing. Jesus’ heart is breaking for all of His children around the world. One day the pain will go away. One day this earth will be restored to perfection. One day everyone will experience Jesus’ love all of the time for eternity. But until that day comes I will choose to keep praying the prayer, Jesus break my heart for what breaks yours.
Please join me in a prayer.
Father,
Thank You for breaking my heart for what breaks yours. Thank You for showing me that even though this world is far from perfect, You are perfect. Thank You for transforming my heart to become more like Yours. Jesus, flood Honduras with Your love for all of the orphans. Let Your light shine on the dark places of that country. Show Your people how much You want to provide for them in abundance. Jesus transform Honduras and it’s people to overflow with Your goodness. Father show all of the orphans in Guatemala how much You love them. For our 15 year old friend, Jesus, please her every single day in Your love, grace, mercy, and cleanse her of anything that is not of You. Father, break the chains in this country that keep people from You and cover this beautiful land with an overflow of Your love. We love you so much.
We ask this in Jesus’ name,
AMEN!
