“Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the
Spirit who is from God, that we may understand the things freely given us by
God.” 2 Corinthians 2:12
Honestly, the past few weeks moving here to Gainesville, GA
(no, not Gainesville, FL 🙂)
haven’t been cake. Loneliness, confusion, insecurity, just a few of the feelings
I have been battling since arriving here. This is my journal entry from this
morning, bringing some of this stuff before the Lord:
I am discontent because I am still looking for contentment
in the wrong places: people, your provision the way I want it, a steady income. No. I just want you, Jesus, and to see you, not all that you give. Lord, help
me to seek your face and not your hand, to focus more on others and not, what
am I doing next? Or, what is your plan for these next three weeks before stuff
with AIM starts again? By focusing on these things, I am missing out on life
you have for me this moment, and I don’t get any moments back.
So instead of wishing I was busier or wishing you would
provide in a different way, I seek you, your face, just to be with you in your
presence. To grow and know you more in this time where I have to trust you with
everything, and all that I am.
I surrender. I submit. I submit to where you have me today.
Even though I may not understand exactly every reason why I am here, I choose
to praise and thank you that I am here. I will enjoy today. I will actively
pursue you. I will enjoy you and every moment today, not wishing for tomorrow.
Thank you for this time of growth, stretching, faith and trust. Thank you that
for the first time in my life, I am in a position where I HAVE to trust you
completely, and you HAVE to come through or else I fall flat on my face.
Father, forgive me for seeking your hand and your provision
before seeking you. Forgive me for asking things of you before simply sitting
humbly and in awe in your presence. Forgive me for acting like a bratty,
ungrateful child. I desire only you, to be with you, in whatever that looks
like today. Amen.
