It’s not about us; it’s not about what we do, or what we have. It’s about serving others well, loving others well.
We have to give up things in order to do so. How can you truly serve someone if you don’t give something up?
I am a huge believer of having it all. Making, baking, and eating my cake too. But sometimes that is not what it is about. It’s about serving. Making and baking to give…
I love to serve. That statement doesn’t even do it. If I can’t serve in some way I start to get antsy. Think of a Border Collie without a job. They start herding the kids/cats in the house, using their good talents to get them in trouble. Sometimes I get like this when I can’t find a way to help. I drive people crazy.
The race has been challenging at times. Most of the challenging times have been internal. Areas like my self-worth, identity and confidence. But an area that I wasn’t expecting to struggle was in having enough freedom. When I think about traveling the world, I think nothing but a revolving door of freedom. However, I didn’t realize I left most my freedom parked in my driveway, locked inside my car.
Riding horses, climbing, hiking and the outdoors keep me sane. Simply the freedom to roam. To go and do. A squad mate of mine asked me if I missed riding horses, I couldn’t even hold my breath to think about if I really did or not. It just fell out of my mouth…
Who would have thought slipping into those constricting breeches and slapping a helmet on my head or sliding into a climbing safety harness would find me so much freedom. I never thought they would be so missed. I honestly did not think I would even give them second thought since I would be stimulated by so much.
There is freedom on the Race. It just doesn’t look the same as what I am used to. You can’t just pick up and go. You can’t spontaneously make a trip to the beach or mountains. There are a lot more details in traveling with 5 or 6 other people for a simple stroll to the nearest convenience shop, 1 hour down an African dirt road.
It has been a journey of constantly dying to self, every morning. Waking up and choosing to put my freedom in something that provides more of a return than jumping a wooden boat or successfully climbing an overhang. I wake up and find my freedom in Jesus. I put my freedom in the unknown schedules of ministry. And I find my freedom in the spontaneity of change, which can really put the most adaptable person to test.
Yet, this journey has been the most freeing journey I have ever been on. I am learning to put my freedom in the unknown journey God has me on and fully stepping in and trusting that His plans and timing are better than anything I could draw up. The growth that I have experienced over the past five months has been the most growth I have experienced so quickly, ever.
This growth has only come because of the lack of my “normal” freedom. During times that I want nothing more than to escape, I have been challenged to sit with my thoughts, feelings and emotions. And it is tough. But I couldn’t be more thankful for this journey and the tough times. Through them I have found more freedom than I ever would in climbing or riding.
However, it’s important for me to share that I that I have not fully figured out this freedom thing. I am still in the process of completely walking in the divine freedom Jesus offers.
Picking up a new identity has proven to be more of a challenge than I thought. Because picking up and walking in a new identity requires letting go of your past identity and things that have made you, you, as long as you can remember. It has been tough but so extremely worth it. I am eager for more growth in freedom as I continue to abandon the fear of failure and letting people down.
Faces that prove it is worth it…
with so much love,
kel xx
