The past few weeks on the race have been some that I’m not sure words could ever describe. My brain has been in a constant state of jumble; spinning in circles as I try to sort out everything that has happened and what it means and why it happened, and what God wants me to learn from it. And then in addition to my own processing…trying to figure out how exactly I should go about sharing these experiences with loved ones, supporters and friends who are following along in my story.
So while I want to share a brief overview of the events that took place, my focus of this blog is not to describe in detail what happened, but rather share with you where my heart has been through it all. For some incredibly written stories and more insight as to what took place, I would encourage you to visit the blogs of people on my squad [Karissa Muilenburg, Zach Murphy, Dustin Mick, and Kaylaynn McAdams are just a few that come to mind].
On April 21, four members of P-squad were involved in a very serious car accident. Two of the girls involved [Kate and Vanessa] were two of my closest friends on the race. When I heard the news, my heart broke instantly—for these precious friends of mine, for everyone else involved in the accident, for family members back home, and for my squad. This was the first time in my life that I had been so close to something so tragic and I didn’t know how to feel, what to say, or even what to think. There were so many unknowns, so many questions. How could this happen? Why did this happen? What does this mean for the two girls who have made such an incredible impact on me and my race so far? And where do we go from here?
Then, on April 25, devastation struck Nepal in the form of a vigorous earthquake [just two days before we were scheduled to arrive in Kathmandu]. It was an earthquake that would forever change the lives of people in Nepal, and as we would soon discover, it was an earthquake that would forever change the hearts of P-squad. When we first got word about the earthquake, a sort of shock fell over our squad. None of us really knew what to say, or think, or do. In a matter of four days we found ourselves face to face with MORE heartbreak, MORE unknowns, and MORE questions. Why this? Why now? Where will we go? How could this happen? How can we help? What does this mean for our squad? What is God trying to show us?
So yeah…my heart…that one that I thought had just begun to heal…broke a little bit more.
The only thought that kept replaying itself in my head was that even amongst so much brokenness, and beyond all of the pain, is a mighty, mighty God who has promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. I can say without a doubt that these have been some of the hardest trials I have ever had to face. But I can also say that I have never felt the presence of the Lord more immensely than I do right now. In the midst of all of this hurt, brokenness, and confusion, God has been so incredibly present. He was there during the car accident when there wasn’t a single life lost, and He’s here in Nepal as we join together to share His love with victims of this devastating earth quake.
In my human mind it’s hard to understand how during a time of such tragedy and loss my heart is still filled with peace and joy. On one hand my heart aches for my teammate, squadmate and friend who doctors say will never walk again, and for the people here in Nepal who are trying to piece together a puzzle that will inevitably have missing parts. Yet on the other hand I have never felt more joy, peace and love than I do right now. There is joy found in the small victories, love found in the moments that I get to smile at someone and tell them Jesus loves them, peace found in the hope that Vanessa will walk again and excitement found in the fact that her story has already touched lives all across the world.
The only explanation is that this type of Joy comesfrom God, and God alone. It can only be found when you continue to seek Him even in the moments where He seems so far away. I can’t tell you how incredible and powerful it is to be a part of a community that refuses to let Satan win. A community that fixes their eyes on Jesus time and time again; even when circumstances say that we should do the opposite.
“For the joy of the Lord is my strength” Nehemiah 8:10
Tomorrow we head out to an area of Nepal that got hit the hardest by the earthquake. It is a village that can only be reached by foot, and we will be staying there for the rest of this week as we try to bring some restoration to a broken community. Our plan is to rebuild a local church and some houses in the area. Please continue to pray for protection, strength, and boldness over our entire squad. Pray that God would use us to touch lives while we are there, and that our hearts would be changed in the process.
Thank you for all of your thoughts, love, encouragement and prayers!
