How training camp helped me realize that the Lord isn’t going to take me anywhere without Him by my side…
A few [very] brief pre-training camp thoughts:
1. I have no idea what to expect…truly no idea
2. I’m not good at sharing my emotions
3. They are probably going to throw me to the wolves
4. I’m not going to get ANY sleep
5. What if I don’t connect with anyone?
6. This is going to be HARD
7. I’m probably not cut out for this
8. Uh Bugs………
9. No toilets
10. No showers
11. We probably won’t eat (dramatic…but real)
SO..clearly I was having some questionable thoughts about what I was getting myself into. But despite my confused and jumbled brain I somehow managed to board my flight to Atlanta, Georgia. On any other day I probably would have turned and ran in the opposite direction. Why not this time? WELL let me just tell you! It’s because from the moment the plane landed at the ATL Intl’ airport, the Lord grabbed my hand and never let go.
With that being said, I still had no idea what to expect of the next ten days. I knew that the Lord had gotten me to this point. But now what? I kept searching for reasons to be nervous but I could never find any. What’s next? When will there be something that I can’t do? I kept waiting for the moment, just one moment, when I would feel alone and scared and nervous and insufficient. Surely there would be something thrown my way that would make me second-guess my decision for coming in the first place. But there wasn’t…the moment never came.
Here’s why:
It’s hard to express in words the feelings of peace and confidence I felt around each new corner of those 10 days at Training Camp. Sure there were times when I was nervous…its hard to share feelings that I had clung to for so long, or become vulnerable with a group of people I just met, to show emotions when they seem irrelevant, to ask for help…let alone accept it [aka when you forget to grab your sleeping bag AND sleeping pad and the thought of sleeping on the concrete floor again seems unbearable…and then your loving squad mate, Jenny, offers you hers so that you can get a goodnights rest], or even just to live in community with people you barely know. But it was in these moments that the Lord was able to truly reveal himself to me, to show me how incredible he is, and that I can put ALL of my trust in him [not just the parts I’m comfortable with]
The Lord was holding my hand when…
…I arrived alone, and he introduced me to the girls he knew I would need in order to get me where he wanted me to be
…He allowed my walls to come tumbling down day 1 of the women’s retreat, and washed away the remains so they couldn’t be rebuilt
…I asked him [the Hold Spirit] to reveal himself like never before, and when he did I fell to my knees in a pool of uncontrollable tears
…He placed me on a team with a group of people I had barely spoken to…Yet overwhelmed my heart with feelings of peace, excitement, and love!
…He told me to go pray over his daughter [woah, out of my comfort zone] who needed his love and encouragement in that moment, and then gave me the words to say
It was these moments that made all of the other chaos [sleeping in tents, or not in tents…, using port-a-potties, taking bucket showers, eating some questionable food…] seem so minimal. Because the truth is that He’s got this. Not me. I spent so much time and energy stressing over how the heck I was going to get through the week, and then the Lord showed up and walked with me hand in hand. It was because of those pre-training camp thoughts, that the Lord was able to come in and show me that He is bigger than any of my fears and will be there with me and my team as we do ministry together around the world.
Please be praying for Team Kabod [top picture] and the rest of p-squad [bottom picture] over the next two months as we begin to make our final preparations to leave and that the Lord would guard our hearts against any evil that tries to enter. I also ask that you pray for unity and cohesion amongst my team so that we can fully and effectively witness and bring light to the nations! If you would like to support me in this journey through donations, just click on the “Support Me” link at the top of the page. Thanks so much to everyone who has already donated and been praying!
“Take me out to the middle of the river, I want to drown in the good ol’ river of your Love”
