Growing up I always considered myself a worrywart. Or at least that’s what people would say, “Oh, Kelley you worry too much. Nothing’s going to happen. It will be fine. You need to live on the edge a little.” So being the people pleaser that I am/was, and because of my desire to fit in and feel accepted…I sucked up my “worry” and shoved it as far down in my heart as I possibly could. I would always do my best to suppress that gut feeling inside of me saying that maybe what I was doing probably wasn’t the best decision. Such as going to parties in high school, watching people drive home after they had been drinking, cheating on that homework assignment that seemed so minimal, the list goes on. But I never spoke up, because I feared rejection.
Something that the Lord has been teaching me this past month is that I’m not a worrier. That He gave me eyes to see the way He sees things. He gave me eyes of discernment. However, after so many years of suppressing these feelings and learning to just “going with the flow” it’s been difficult to find my voice. And not only find my voice, but use my voice. In Ecuador when gossip would arise, or a seemingly harmless joke surfaced that actually wasn’t harmless, or when someone needed to be spoken up for and nothing was said…I felt that nudge at my heart to speak up yet I would sit in silence…only to realize later on that it was actually the Lord telling me to use my voice. Because what good is a pair of eyes if I don’t use them to share the magnificence of what is seen with the people around me.
I’m realizing now how blessed I am that these eyes have been the very ones preventing a lot of heartache, guilt, and regret throughout my life. Even when I didn’t realize it, the Lord has been right along side me guiding my every step. And for that I am eternally grateful. We all have eyes of discernment; we just have to learn how to use them. As it says in Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect”. My prayer is that the Lord would release me of the “fear of man” [what people may think] and instill in me the “fear of God” [peace and joy in knowing that his way is SO much better than mine]. I have a long road in front of me, but I can’t wait to see where His path leads.
With love,
Kelley
