First things first: The first donations showed up in my account today! A very big thanks to those that have donated so far…I can't tell you how grateful I am that you are willing to support me in this way. It just warms me lil ol' heart. I've felt very overwhelmed recently with some things, particularly in relation to the Race, and it's encouraging/calming to see that the ball has finally started rolling. So again, thank you. Praise God for generous hearts.
This last week or so has been a bit nuts, as I just moved into a new house, and for anyone who has ever moved anywhere…you know how big of a task this can be. All my energy was put into the move and the other things that went along with it, but now that I am settled into my new (and wonderful) house, I am hoping to be able to move on with life and enjoy my new roommates (who are all incredible people that I am very fortunate to be living with).
I feel like I haven't had much to say lately, and every time I sit down to write a blog; I come up short. I've got too many thoughts, and too many things to do, and staying still to write a little bit just seems inappropriate when I've got an unpaid parking ticket, a fundraising event to plan, a schedule to make, conversations to have with potential supporters, groceries to buy, classes to (potentially) register for…etc., etc. Life feels like it's happening a little too quickly right now, and it seems that staying present with God has become increasingly more difficult. The truth that I am, right now and at all times, in the heart of the triune God, is a truth that I've been quick to forget lately. I have been more likely to find solace in list-making, prioritizing, cleaning, planning, and thinking, thinking, thinking; essentially, attempting to control every minute aspect of my life. Instead of going to God in prayer, I have been retreating into my own ideas of what "taken care of" looks like. I'm really skilled at deluding myself into thinking I don't need any help, and tonight I realized just how crucial it is that I let that go. I don't think I even know what it feels like to not be manipulating life to make it look exactly how I want it to. This is an exhausting state to constantly be in, and my sincere prayer is that I can learn to just be. Stillness and quiet is something I have never been good at. I posted about this same thing a few entries ago…clearly, I am just not good at it.
Lord, help me to stay present in you. Help me stay aware of Your pure and perfect love. Help me to remember that I am complete in Christ and that nothing, literally NOTHING else, can fill that void or become more important than that. Not my list of things to do, not the success or failure of my fundraising, not how much my employees like me, not how far I ran, nor how productive I was today. Rid me of the confusion and the chaos that have lived with me like bitter old friends for years, and replace them with a calm that I've never allowed myself to feel before…the kind that only you can give. Amen.
