This week I did ministry at a youth camp in the mountains of Easter Cape Provence, South Africa. Spending time with the youth made me realize so much about myself I had never known before. I am not 100% sure I know how to explain how they taught me this, but this is what I learned.
When I was a little kid, I had a group of friends who would hang around and play games and sing songs. I remember one of the songs we’d sing is called “Little Red Wagon” – a song that has recently been made famous by Miranda Lambert.
The song goes like this:
You can’t ride in my little red wagon.
Front seats broken and the axles dragging.
Choga, choga, choga, choga, choga.
** You would repeat this singing it at different speeds and volumes and with motions.
We always had so much fun singing this song and all the other songs we’d run around singing! It was so much fun.
What I didn’t realize was that this song was my theme song for most of my life. I wouldn’t let people in. I wouldn’t let people truly know me. I didn’t want people to jump in my radio flyer and go places with me. I wasn’t ashamed of the condition of my wagon but I didn’t want anyone to see the real me. Being close to people is scary.
Here I am, week 2 (14 days in country) into the World race and wanting to scream. Living in community is so hard. It requires closeness. It requires people to know you deeply.
But, I’m not sitting here screaming because I can’t keep people out. I’m screaming because I desperately want to be known by people. I want my team and my squad to jump into my little red wagon. My front seat is broke and my axel is dragging. I’m not brand new and every little kids dream. I’m a thrift store gem. A miracle find! I want people to know me.
This isn’t an easy thing to want, especially for me. I’ve kept people out for so many years that I don’t know how to get to know people. I don’t know how to live in community. I am going to learn because I want to be fully known by people. It won’t be easy or fun most of the time but I’m inviting my team to take a ride with me. They can bring their wagons too.
