Let me clear the air on something that’s been said to me many times since I decided to go on the World Race . . .
MY FAITH IS NOTHING SPECIAL,
and
I DON’T HAVE MY LIFE TOGETHER,
and
I DON’T WILLINGLY TRUST GOD WITH EVERYTHING (or most things).
Let’s just start with having my life together – If I told you the number of times I misplaced my phone in ONE day you probably wouldn’t believe me. Only those who really know me will describe me as lazy (and why the rest of the world can’t see it BLOWS MY MIND because I don’t try to hide it). And I forget to eat – at least once a day.
These things may seem insignificant, but to be honest, my life is not together! I am a hot mess at least 50% and am failing miserably to control this chaos about 30% of the time leaving about 20% where I’m actually put together on any given day. So to those of you who think I’ve got this thing called life figured out, I am sorry but I do not. – But I think that’s the beauty of it. God asked a disaster like me to go out and show people his love.
Another thing people have assumed is that I must trust God with everything (or most things) to have the faith it takes to go into the world. Unfortunately, I do not. I wish I did, but I don’t. I find it easier to trust God in the big things, like not letting a plane crash at take off or providing a way for me to pay for school, than I find it easy to trust him with the little things. As a general rule, I don’t even trust people to show up on time or to really do much at all and how much easier is it to trust something visible than it is to trust something invisible? No, I do not just willingly trust God with most things in life, but that is something I am hoping to gain from this experience. I want to come back more reliant on Him in my everyday life; but I am not there yet.
And NO, I do not have some extraordinary level of faith (in general) that made me willing to take this next step in my faith walk. To be completely honest with you the only reason I AM doing this is because God said to and I would rather jump into the abyss because God said so than to stand on the cliff and either A) get swallowed by a whale 3 days and do it or B) live an life discontented and having to fight for the blessings that come from trusting in God.
Essentially, I have seen first hand what life is like when you don’t do what God calls you to do. My dad has spent a good part of his life doing things that would make it impossible for him to follow God (he did this both intentionally and subconsciously). But regardless, I don’t want that life. **AND I AM SO PROUD OF MY DAD FOR FINALLY FOLLOWING THE CALLING GOD PLACED ON HIS LIFE** And, I do not want God to have so scream at me to get me to do what I’m told (metaphorically of course) because when God screams you end up in the belly of a whale or you walk through the desert for 40 years eating a flaky white stub substance (Manna) all the time, or getting swallowed up in a whole, or whatever other “wonderful” scenario God could plan for me.
I’m not going because I have some great amount of faith – I’m going because God said so and when I weigh the pros and cons of doing what God says or disobeying God, the first option sounds a lot better. I’d much rather end up in prison like Paul or killed at the stake than having God give me an unpleasant push that lands me where I would have been anyway. For me it’s less about my faith and more about the consequences of not jumping into the abyss. But that’s just me.
But like I briefly mention before, it’s more wonderful to me that I am not where people who expect me to be and yet God still sent me. I like to think that God uses people to reach people the same way he used Jesus to reach people. You see, God stooped down to our level to reach us where we were. That’s why Jesus came to earth as a man. Through Jesus’ humanness he was able to relate to us and to reach us – it was through his God(ness) that he was able to save us. Just like God sent Jesus to reach us where we were, he sends people to reach other people where they are. Who really wants someone who’s got it all together coming in and telling them they need to turn to Jesus and get where they are . . . No one I presume. It is not through my perfection or through my “spectacular” faith that I am able to do anything. It is through my utter humanness, through my weakness, through my messes, through my vulnerabilities, through my compassion, through my heart break that I am able to touch people’s lives and it is with help from the Holy Spirit that I am able to bring them to Christ.
God does not call the equipped; he equips the called.
God does not call the ready; readies the called.
God does not call the able; he ables the called.
If you would like to help make this jump possible please click the link below to support me financially or by leaving a comment of encouragement because this is not an easy step. But I truly believe that God will provide me everything I need to be successful on this trip.
