My first love, like every little girls, is my father. His name is John and today is his birthday. I could sit here and tell you how awesome he is and how I am so proud of him and how I look up to him, but I won’t. Instead, I am going to tell you about the things my dad did for me as a child that 1) made me who I am and 2) I find other people’s father’s didn’t do. I put the last part in there because as an adult, I can see how important my father was in my character development, self esteem, and my attitude toward God and the world. I think there are some things that EVERY father should do, especially father’s of daughters. It is very important to know as a father (especially of a daughter) that you are the most important factor in weather or not your daughter is strong or she is not. -And I am certain that your influence in your son’s life is just as important. I can see this through my brothers.
To the fathers out there, despite what culture tells you, you are the most important person in you child’s life. Be aware of this, make sure that your that you show off your best character traits because your kids will pick them up. For example, my dad is very merciful. I learned mercy from him.
Here’s another one along the same lines, your kid needs a hero and most of them are going to pick you. Your child doesn’t want you to be equals (so stop trying to be our friends). We want our parents to be wiser, steadier, and stronger than we are. We give you authority because we want to look up to you and honor you, so you need to use your authority wisely. We will never feel good about ourselves unless we know you feel good about us. When we think about compliments we will say stuff like, “you’re my mom, you have to think that.” but kids don’t usually think this about their father. YOU NEED TO TELL US YOU LOVE US, how good we are at things, ect. EVERY FATHER NEEDS TO TELL HIS DAUGHTER SHE IS PRETTY. This is probably the most important thing my dad ever did for me. He was constantly letting me know how much he loved me, what I was good at, and that I was beautiful. He is the reason why I am confident – because he made sure I knew how valuable I am.
Father’s, you need to protect your children – especially your daughters. I don’t know from experience about boys, but I’m sure that they need their father to have their back and to stand up for them. Girls need this in every situation I can think of. But girls their father’s to protect them in ways that I don’t believe boys do. Father’s tend let the mother have the sex talk with their daughter. I’m not saying that you need to have detailed discussions with us (PLEASE DON’T), but as a father you need to be open with us – and clear. Having clear cut sexual standards for us is important. We need to know what they are and why you have them because the culture around us leads us toward promiscuity. What father’s fail to realize in this regard is that not talking about it makes girls feel ashamed of their sexuality (and this is a dangerous feeling). You need to tell her she’s beautiful, you need to not be afraid of tampons, you need to be willing to talk about sex. More importantly, you need to show her that modesty is not something you want her to have to make her uncool, but for everyone to know she respects herself and what she expects out of boys. Boys think girls who dress in revealing clothes are more likely to jump in bed with them; modesty will help your daughter show boys what she expects. This is something I can’t even begin to explain how clear my dad has been. Even down to how he will handle it if I don’t abide by his standards. And, to any guy who ever date’s me – my father always tells me that if a guy hurts me he will string them up by their toe nails (and this doesn’t sound pleasant).
And seriously dads – MENSTRUATION IS NOT A BAD THING! Do not teach your daughter this by being embarrassed to hear about it. The day I got my period for the first time, my dad brought me a stuffed cat. He didn’t really say anything, but I knew it was his way of saying it’s okay and I’m okay with you “becoming a woman”. Years down the road (in high school), I needed tampons and my mom was in the hospital. I was not uncomfortable asking my dad to take me to get some because my period and my sexuality were not something he wanted me to be ashamed of. Most other girls I know say that they would NEVER ask their dad to do that to this day because it would be awkward and the dad would be embarrassed. NOT OKAY! And as a father it’s your job to make sure it’s not – we follow your example.
Father’s of daughters please be practical and sensible because we’re not. We learn to be pragmatic from you, so please show us how; women don’t reason the same way as men so show us reason. If you don’t do this you will end up with a princess; I know, I know, you’re daughter’s your little princess. But princesses demand and expect things to be done for us. Teach us to be strong women who can solve our own problems. Our attitude about ourselves is directly linked to you – our ambitions, our assets, and our capabilities. They are linked to what you say and what you do. Teach us to be women that know who the world works and are independent and can rely on ourselves to move forward. I consider myself to be pragmatic, but I promise you this is not something I developed on my own. My dad didn’t give into my every whim and he gave me space to solve problems for myself while still having my back. This has made me able to stand on my own two feet. Give your daughter the gift of independence.
Father’s of any child, please show some grit. I mean grit like in the movie true grit. Show the same strength and perseverance at home as you do at work. Though the world is trying to go away from this, what makes a man a man is his strength. We want you to be a man of steel. Don’t be push overs. We need you to have a spine of steel. Your home life requires just as much tenacity as work does. Be unwavering – we need to know where the boundaries are. They make us feel safe and they teach us how to have boundaries in the future. We need you to be present, we need you to stay, we need you to be courageous, and we need you to provide reason. Be forgiving but be our rock. My dad does not have a spine of steel, I’m pretty sure it’s made of titanium. He was the source that kept my family together. He came home from work and put in as much effort as he did at work. I know that you’re tired, but it is important to be present and strong at home.
Teach us to be humble. Show us that everyone has value. You see, humility is at the core of all the other virtues, so teach us this one first. Life I mentioned before, a compliment from a father bears more weight than one from a mother. Therefore, don’t over inflate our egos. Let us know who we really are. My father points out my flaws more than I would like him to. He rarely does this in anger. He does it in love. He is letting me know what I need to work on and he will help me if I need it. Don’t let your kids think that they are perfect or more valuable than others. None of us are, so help us be better people and help us live humbly and with a realistic view of ourselves.
The people my dad served in Honduras My dad serving in Rwanda, Today (10/20/14) his Bday.
To father’s of daughters – you need to be aware that you are our first love. I know there are a lot of other loves in your life, but you are all that we know. This means that the earliest years are the most important (in this area) because eventually we will have other loves in our life. If you have a good relationship with us, then we will choose boyfriends who treat us well. You need to be loving, affectionate, and gentle. You need to do this because it will teach us how to love in a healthy way. As we grow older, your wall of protection around us will become a fence and eventually a satellite – we will always know you’re there hovering over to protect us, but let us grow apart from you. That does not me unleash us. We need to know you love us and that you are waiting up for us at curfew. Like I said before, you are our first love and if you have a good relationship with us we will pick better boyfriends (and eventually husbands) that will treat us right. *And I know you want that*
Along those same lines, father’s, you need to be the person you want your daughter to marry. Weather that is a good or a bad thing, the man that your daughter marries will reflect you. I speak from experience, woman are drawn to what they know. This is true for me, the men I am most attracted to are similar to my dad. Physically, they are tall and strong. But on a deeper level, they are emotionally strong willed, they are protective, they are loyal, they are honest, they are courageous, and they have integrity. Unfortunately, I am a lot like my father, I have his stubbornness. I find men with iron clad backbones attractive. I hate when men let people walk all over them. I need a man with grit and strength and who will stand their ground but not one who will never change their opinion (since I won’t either). Unfortunately, I find these men weak and am not attracted to them. Women want what we know, so teach your job is to teach us about men.
TO ALL FATHER’S – this is the most important thing you will ever do for your child. YOU MUST TEACH THEM ABOUT GOD. God is often portrayed in the Bible as a father figure, so the way you are toward us is how we will assume God is toward us. If you are distant and disengaged that will be our perspective. We need to see you forgive, we need to see you be merciful, and we need to see you love us. We need you to be our example of who God is. Your character will inevitably be overlaid into God’s (in our mind), so try to be more like him everyday. If you want us to have a healthy relationship and perspective of God, then you must show us what he is like. And where you are lacking, teach us from the Bible and work on being better. I have had the same conversation many times and it usually ends with me saying, “why would you believe God is like that? They Bible is clear he isn’t.” And then one day I realized that things I struggle about with God are the areas where my father lacked perfection (like all humans and fathers) but that for the most part, the loving God that I know was revealed to me through my father. And this happens for every child.
