There is the girl I’ve never met named Katie Axelson. And yet thanks to the Internet, she’s been one of those people who’s walked this journey along side me. She told me I had to go to Project Searchlight (PSL) – she even went as far as telling my parents I had to go. My parents paid my way and made sure I came.
So here I am, at PSL. I show up not really wanting to be there because with AIM what they say it is and what it actually is don’t always line up (Go on the World Race if you don’t believe me. It’s not a mission trip; it’s a discipleship program). I showed up after a month of struggling with two things:
(1) loneliness
(2) my brothers are still annoying 😉
So I don’t know why I’m even here. All I know is I’m here not because Katie said so, but because my dying heart is yearning for something. Anything.
And, boy, let me tell you I got what I needed!
What I got was faith. My goodness, I got some faith.
It started with a prophetic room. Two wonderful women prophesied over me about EVERYTHING I have been praying about since the World Race. They confirmed things that were prophesied over me by others months before. That’s when it started. The Holy Spirit started showing up everywhere.
I went to a session about discovering my calling, and then my squadmates Amy and Amber basically said half what the prophets said to me. God was like, “So you’re listening. Do you have enough faith to move?”
Now that knocked me. Move!? What? I can’t even comprehend this right now.
And then I go to a session I don’t actually want to go to. Alysa (my alumni squad leader) encouraged me in the door; so I reluctantly hid on a couch in the corner since they moved all the chairs out. And then Clint and Logan start telling us healings were gonna break out in the room. I think, “Okay, I don’t need healing, and God’s never used me for that, so I can just hang here and exalt God.”
But then I’m standing in the corner and Kristen (my former teammate) is standing in another corner timidly raising her hand asking for prayer… And no one goes to her. So I do. After three or four prayers, she is heading up to the microphone to announce that God has healed her back, and I’m in awe. While I’m celebrating God’s victory healing Kristen, He whispers to me, “I’m not done.” with a little yell in his tone because I respond that way but it has that “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet” tone of a boy trying to impress a girl mixed in it. (PS- He succeeded).
So I prayer with people in groups and then I see Sarah. She’s standing near Clint. I think, “Well, that’s strange.” When she walks away from Clint, God says, “Her.” Again it’s a whisper with all that tone. I hesitate just long enough to feel his voice beginning to raise; so I waste no time and go.
Sarah needs healing for TMJ. Great. God used me to heal a back, why not a jaw. God sent me over here so he’s gonna move. And He did.
Another girl Susan and I prayed for Sarah for probably an hour and a half. Each moment seemed to bring a small amount of improvement. God’s kept saying, “I’m not done yet. Don’t you dare give up. And why do you doubt me.” All that was scattered between visions, and words, and prayers. God was moving.
I left the session with no idea what Clint ended up sharing, but I left with more faith. And still God wasn’t done.
More confirmation, more wisdom, more stories of provision, more people to build my faith . . . more of God. It just hasn’t stopped. Now here I am on the floor of a church gym yoga studio lying in the dark on my detestable sleeping pad (It’s really comfortable, but beds are my comfort of choice). I’m wondering what God could do tomorrow to blow me out of the water, and I know He’ll show up because I’ve asked him to.
I left the World Race just over a month ago knowing God had equipped me to come home and accomplish the insermountable dream he gave me on the race. I knew I could do it through him, and then I went home. Home to a half dead Church in a country that doesn’t desire Jesus, and God makes my dream big to the point that I have no idea how it’s possible much less what the first step is.
Then God sent me to PSL to grow my Faith a little more. That dream I mentioned will come to pass. I have faith because if my God can raise Jesus from the dead, heal the sick, and provide all of my needs, then he can make a God sized dream a reality.
Watch out world, the Alumni Racers at this PSL are being commissioned. And you can’t stop our God.
