I am really reluctant to post this blog because, well, I feel like a wench. I feel like I’m arrogant and vain. I feel mean. And worst of all I feel like I don’t fit in. Nobody did anything to make me feel that way and it isn’t exactly true. I don’t feel like I am better than anyone else. I’m not being mean. And I fit it in – I just can’t relate. But, by making my feelings public a lot of people might think that – a lot of people I don’t want thinking these things.
But I’m posting this anyway. I’m posting this because I am growing so much through this whole World Race experience and I want to share my growth with you. I am sharing this because God is revealing a lot about myself and my faith to me through this experience. I only ask you to do two things. The first is to pray before you read this and the second is to read this with an open mind and an open heart.
SO FUNDRAISING. Fundraising is a key part of the World Race experience and it is not a “fun” part and it is difficult to boot. Fundraising tests all world racers and it grows us. But my experience has been so different from every other racer I have heard about.
Most of my squad is really stressed about fundraising – I’m not. Most of my squad is worried about fundraising – I’m not. Most of my squad is overwhelmed by fundraising – once again, I’m not. This really sucks for me because I feel like I don’t fit in. I feel like everyone else is bonding over fundraising and here I am completely relaxed about it.
It really sucks feeling like this and I thought it was because I was so well fund because I’ve had more time than everyone else. Then, I thought it was because I knew the right people. Sometimes, I even thought it was because I wasn’t doing enough or thinking about it enough. But you see the truth is that none of these are the case.
Actually, it was one of my squaddies that made me realize what it was. She posted something on our World Race facebook page that spoke to me. It was so profound. It was what made me realize why fundraising hasn’t effected me in the same way it has effected most everyone else. She posted shared this verse from Matthew 11:
“‘Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.'” (MSG)
This hit me. I am not stressing, worrying, or overwhelmed because I trust God for everything I need to launch on this trip. I know he will provide me with my shots, my gear, my funds, and that he will do it before the deadline. I am patient because I know God will come through. I have given up fundraising to God; 100%.
Sure, I look at my fundraising account sometimes and realize it has only gone up $25 all month and worry a little. Sometimes I get stressed because my brilliant ideas for fundraising aren’t panning out. I occasionally look at how much I have left compared to how many people I know to ask and feel a bit overwhelmed. But in the end, I always circle back to “if God calls, God will provide” and suddenly everything is okay again. I am willing to be patient with God because I have no doubt in Him.
But this realization went even further. I stress out about hundreds of other things God is in control of. Why am I worrying myself over them? Fundraising has been an “easy process” for me (at least emotionally) because I have faith that God will provide. How much easier will everything else be if I relied fully on Him in those areas? -Something I am now going to work on- ]
Read my next post and I will share with you my “Strategic Fundraising Plan”
I’m not trying to come across as inconsiderate, or mean, or vain. I’m really not any of those. I don’t want to hurt anyone by saying I don’t feel like I fit in – because I have not been excluded. However, I think it is important to share my story and to share how God is using fundraising to reveal where I don’t trust in Him. Please feel free to leave a comment or privately contact me if you have any questions or comments.
