I had a great weekend. It was a long weekend both literally and figuratively. We left for Cape Town – an eight hour drive – with our ministry host on Saturday morning. We left the house around 4:30 am but didn’t leave Jeffrey’s Bay until 6:17am. We didn’t return until Tuesday night at 11:16pm. We saw a lot of amazing things, down town Cape Town, Table Mountain, the 12 apostles, the southernmost tip of Africa, among many other things. We traveled from place to place in a van with 21 people in it – it was not a 21 passenger van. On top of that, there were a lot of people everywhere we went and we were sleeping in shipping containers. There wasn’t a lot of time or space.
The trip was amazing and I wouldn’t trade going for anything in the world. However, on the car ride home, I was done. Actually, I was done long before the car ride home and kept asking God to renew my strength and to refresh me without time alone. Each time he did it. But, on the ride home where I couldn’t sit without being touched where there was a lot of noise and it took 17 hours, I was done. We got back and I went to sleep.
I naturally woke up around 7:30 am. After showering, reading my bible, and having breakfast, I journaled. This is a little bit of what I wrote:
“Jace woke up and turned on music. I am annoyed. It’s loud. All I want is four walls and a door. I would go hungry for four walls and a door right now. Literally, I would starve myself all day for four walls and a door. I need space. So much space. I need quiet. Silence.”
Then I took a nap for about an hour and I woke up around 10:30am. Everyone was finally up and beginning to file in to the living area. I joined everyone and just did my own thing. Maybe an hour later, I was sitting in the living space with just Robbie. I was writing and Robbie was doing something on his computer. I ate lunch. And then I realized I basically had the house to myself.
Just down the hall was a bedroom that the girls on team wildfire were sharing. It has four walls (6 if we are being technical) and a door. No one was in it. None of its occupants were near enough to come in and out. It was free space.
God provided me four walls and a door. I cried. Literally! It was all I wanted this morning and I didn’t ask God for it. I didn’t think it was possible. But, he provided it for me. There wasn’t even noise from everyone being home for me to drown out with headphones. It was silent. I was completely alone. It was the best hour or so of my week.
After I rested and thanked God for it this is what I wrote in my journal.
“As I lay here and revel in this space my body is completely renewed. I have become totally at peace. I can feel heart beating slower and my breathing becoming more relaxed. I am here. I am in the most comfort I’ve been in this whole race. It is so nice. My joy has been restored; the little things don’t seem so big. They don’t matter anymore. . . I have had a chance to be fully renewed and fully filled up. This is the biggest gift and blessing God could have given me. I am so grateful for every single second of this time.”
Needless to say, I am an introvert. The race is designed for extroverts. (Not intentionally). God has provided me total alone twice in the 25 days I have been on this race. The time is few and far between but God has provided me exactly what I need at the exact moment I need it. He is amazing. He is a provider. Next time, I will ask him for what I want. God can do all things and he like to give us good gifts.
The Bible says in Matthew 21:22 that if you ask God for something with faith you will receive it.I do not believe that this means that you get everything you ask for but never be afraid to petition God for what you need and what you want. Have faith that He will provide it for you.
Ask God for what you want and need. He is a loving father who wants to dote on his children.
