I have the distinct privilege of having two brothers who, though they aren’t perfect, are amazing men of God. I see them for who they are, but I also see them for who they can be. And in that, I see them for the husbands, the fathers, the uncles, and the grandfather’s they’re going to be.
I also have the privilege of having and an uncle, a dad, and a grandfather in my life who are amazing men of God. I look at them and other men I know (like Jason Green and Jason Scott and Matt Woodford and Craig Walker), and I see men who are excellent fathers and husbands and who are models for people like my brothers. I look at the way they treat and lead their families and I want a man with qualities each of them have.
I also have the honor of being a woman who has close friends who are also women of God. We think about and dream about the husbands and families we want to have one day. We pray and ask God for men like these men. We want men like Jason, Jason, Matt, and Craig because see the way they treat their wives and raise their children.
We want a man who will lead us, who will love us, who will protect us, and who will support us. We see the gentleness when they discipline that models the way God disciplines us. We see them put their wives above them like Christ did the church and so so very many more exemplary qualities. We look at them and say we won’t settle for anything less.
And then we go out on dates or spend time with amazing guys like my brothers, and yet we are left disappointed because they are not where these men are. We walk away wondering where our moms and grandmas found these men and why none of them exist in our generation. Frankly, we are setting our standards too high and putting too much pressure on men.
Yes, I said it. And it’s true.
We can’t expect men who haven’t ever been married, who have never had kids, and who have limited life experience to be equal in these areas as older men. It’s a learning process. Here’s what I mean:
I remember when I was in elementary school. My dad was pretty controlling and sometimes that meant he didn’t treat my mom so well. Sometimes, he would ignore her thoughts and feelings and just do what he thought was best. My dad was in his late 20’s when someone told him he shouldn’t treat his wife like that because it wasn’t Christ-like. And you know what, my dad doesn’t treat my mom like that now.
I remember one time my dad loosing his temper and harshly chewing out my brothers and I for being disobedient. We weren’t behaving in the car and it normally wasn’t a big deal, but it wasn’t the first time he lost his temper with us either. I was 10 or 11 and my dad was 31 or 32. I remember that time in particular because my dad came back and apologized for over-reacting and disciplining us in his anger. He asked for our forgiveness and then he told us we weren’t grounded for a week but for 1 day (which was much more fitting for us just fighting in the car). I can’t remember a time after that when he lost his temper again because he changed.
I remember my dad in his late 20’s and in his 30’s. He’s not the same husband and the same father he was back them. He’s always been a good one but he’s become a great one with time and practice.
My point is my dad is a great dad and these other men are great men but we as women can’t expect never been married, never had kids, 20 something men to be the same men, father, or husband that the men we look to as examples are.
I see men like my brothers out in the world who don’t live up to the expectations placed on them. But I also see those same men and I see wonderful character traits like love, patience, kindness, leadership, joy, and so many more. I see them moving toward God and allowing him to refine their character and giftings.
This is the type of man I am looking to marry. A man who has the character of men like my dad, like Jason, like Craig, like Matt, and like my uncle. This type of man is the ones who when they’re 30 and 40 and 50 are going to be like them, and young women are going to thing I want a man who treats me like that.
I pray for my brothers. They are the age of the men I’m looking for and who girls like me are looking for. I pray one of them sees their character and doesn’t expect them to have figured it out. I pray for their hearts. And I pray and thank God my older brother has found a women who loves him and wants him where he’s at and sees where he’s going.
