“It’s too heavy.” That’s the first statement that my dad told me when he saw my pack. Honestly, I think he’s telling the truth. It’s 46 lbs. of life “necessities” for 11 months crammed into every single inch of a giant pack. That doesn’t include all the gear that is in my day pack. When I put it all on yesterday for the first official time, it was very heavy. But I don’t think it was the bag that was the real problem.
I think the weight of leaving for a year finally sank in. I have spent the last few weeks saying “see ya later” to every possible human being that I love, and it’s been hard. My heart has felt extremely heavy. The reality is, when I come home, things will be different. And truthfully, I hope they are different. I want to be different. But that’s not always an easy thing to deal with, and thinking about how the world, my world, will keep going at home when I’m gone has been tough to swallow.
Yet over and over again, I keep feeling the most intense peace and excitement I have ever felt in my life. I am by no means a thrill seeker. No friend I’ve ever had would describe me as adventurous by nature. However, when I think about the great adventure I’m about to journey on, I am filled with this peace and excitement. I am so excited to go and tell people about this love that I have experienced as a daughter of Christ. I have experienced a love that is hard for me to describe, but it’s so important to me that when I am asked to go share this with people in 11 countries around the world, I have to say yes.
I also feel like I need to both apologize and express my gratitude to those very people that I’ve been saying “see ya later” to. First I am sorry that I’ve done a poor job telling you how much I love you and how much Jesus loves you. While my love for you is very deep, His love is even greater. I also must say thank you for the cards, messages, hugs, encouraging words, last second dinners and froyo stops, guidance, prayers, and financial support. I have been regularly overwhelmed by this outpouring of support. It seems like every time I turn around, God is using one of you to remind me that this is exactly where He wants me. So that heavy feeling in my chest, all the anxiety and nerves, and the legitimate sadness I feel when I think about living 11 months without all of you, all seem to be a little bit less heavy when I think about your support and love and the calling that has been placed ahead of me.
Yes, the tears will still come and my heart still may feel heavy at times (Lord knows, my pack will!), but I think that’s okay. I think God lets us cry when our hearts simply can’t hold in all the emotions any more, and I hope my tears are a reminder to all of you that I love you dearly and can’t wait to share more about this journey with you! Launch starts now… Next stop, Cambodia!
