I first experienced sexual shame when I was 13 years old. I was sexually abused by my stepfather. The innocence and purity of my mind was gone, just like that. I saw the world as it really was, not in that child-like innocence kinda way anymore. Every boy and every man I came in contact with during that time, I would wonder if they thought of me the way he did. I would always be conscious about what I was wearing, to make sure it wasn’t drawing anyone’s attention (even though I was 13 and shouldn’t of had to worry about that). I was told that because I had worn tank tops around my own house, could have been one of the reasons he was attracted to me. It caused a lot of issues in my family and a lot of shame for me. I would think back and wonder if it really was my fault that had happened. This being the start of my teen years, I started off being very uncomfortable with all men. Not even being able to look at fathers and daughters, because all I could think of was if something sexual was going on. Fast forward a couple years, and this is where my longing for intimacy began.
I found myself longing for something to fill the void that I “didn’t think God could fill.” One guy after another, the next leaving me more unsatisfied than the last. Little did I know, what I was really longing for was far beyond sexual pleasure. My soul craved intimacy. But my heart turned that pure longing for intimacy and love into seeking after lustful desires. Lust controlled my mind in every situation. I felt so much shame for feeling sexual all of the time. Even asking God “why did You have to make me such a sexual human being??” Funny, but true. My soul was saved and I loved Jesus with all of my heart, but my body craved something else entirely.
I found it logical to separate God/holiness into one category and my sexual desires into another. But why? God DESIGNED sex. He designed us to be sexual beings. The enemy and today’s society have separated sex from God because of the norm of it being outside of marriage—not how God intended it. The enemy wants us to feel shame for our sexual desires, so we won’t seek to understand the underlying reason of why we have them. Lust, porn, masturbation, sexual immorality–we isolate ourselves and struggle in silence. Especially as Christians, we think that it’s taboo to have these desires. But guess what? It’s not! We are humans too! When we understand where the desire for sex and lust comes from, (the desire for intimacy with God not being fulfilled) we can direct our minds off of fulfilling the worldly desires of sex and turn them to fulfilling our desires of intimacy with Jesus.
We are sinful beings– our bodies are naturally inclined towards sin. So even if we aren’t breaking physical boundaries, our bodies are more inclined towards sin than holiness.
We are sexual beings– In the act of creating man in His own image, as male and female, God created human sexuality. It’s His design, His idea, His gift to us. He intended it for marriage.
Start putting God and your sexual desires in the same category. He knows your struggle better than you do. Stop living in sexual shame and isolation as a Christian. Sexual shame does not come from God. He created us as sexual beings. God saw all that He had made, and it was good (Genesis 1:31). Even when Jesus was presented with a woman caught in the act of adultery, He did not belittle or degrade her. He showed her compassion and told her to stop sinning.
How Satan uses our sexual desires against us
–Satan uses our slavery to addictions to make us question our salvation
–It’s hard to remember God’s truth in the midst of addiction
–When we don’t talk about it, satan thrives in our isolation
–These issues are not just a man’s problem!
–We believe the lie that lasting freedom isn’t possible
–We blame our sexualized culture for our addictions
Guilt is a sin issue, but shame is an identity issue. We must understand our identity in Christ to live out freedom from shame.
Guilt comes from making a mistake, but shame is much worse. Shame comes with a sense of “there being something wrong with me” or “not being enough” and feeling powerless to change our circumstances. Shame creates a fear of being unworthy of love, specifically the love of God and others. Without feeling worthy of that love, we continue to live in our sexual sin. We feel trapped, unable to escape. Thinking “why would God love us with our sexual sin?” Feeling tainted by our own sexuality hinders our ability to give and receive love. It keeps us in a viscous cycle of sin and unworthiness.
Romantic love never trumps Intimacy with God
God created romance and He loves romance, but romantic love should always come second to the love with God the Father. He is jealous for your affection. The Spirit connects us to God in the most intimate way possible. The intimacy we have with God is even more intimate than sex; He lives inside of us. We are His temple and we should honor our bodies as such. In our intimacy with God, we can come to Him completely naked and yet unafraid. God already knows our deepest secrets and the worst of our flaws, yet He still wants us to trust Him enough to confess it and lay them down at His feet. “What is the man that You are mindful of Him?” because God seems to draw us to Himself even in times, we are drifting away from Him.
(Joy Pedrow)
God has led me to share my story– what I ultimately believed would be my downfall, and He is using it to make something NEW in me. I’ve got a long way to go, but I never thought I’d see the day of redemption from this stronghold. Our God is not limited to filling certain desires, He can fill your sexual ones too; as crazy as that sounds. I’ve realized that intimacy with God has been what’s missing all these years. What I’ve been subconsciously searching for through all of my promiscuity, longing to be loved, searching for the “right one,” lust, pornography– all of it. I was longing to be loved fully, to be held, to know more of The Father. He knew that, even when I didn’t. But He’s never been a forceful God. After years of suffering in silence, He has brought out the boldness in me to seek to understand the root of my suffering and share it with you.
Finding freedom is not just behavior modification–but a heart change
Jesus came to free us from shame. Explore your shame with Him and uncover your wounds from the past. Allow God to reveal the shame in your heart–acknowledge it, expose it to the light of Jesus, and let His unconditional love heal your broken soul.
You are NOT alone! Let Jesus set you free from your strongholds and shame!
