There’s a dead leaf on my bookshelf.
Why? Because God used it to remind me of something so valuable that that crinkly red leaf is worth ten times its weight in gold.
A couple weeks ago I got stuck in a 48 hour “funk.” Some might call it a pity party, a shame fest, a guilt trip, or straight up spiritual warfare (which it totally was, Satan you tricky little snot), but I like to call it a funk.
For about 48 hours I could not for the life of me shake the nagging feeling of shame over my past and who I was before Jesus. And to be honest, I couldn’t shake the guilt I have over some of the decisions that I’ve made since I have known Jesus.
I spent 48 hours sleeping more than usual or necessary (a classic Kearstin coping mechanism), isolating myself (another classic Kearstin coping mechanism), and asking God to pull me out of the funk.
Another classic coping mechanism of mine: taking my dog for walks. So I did that.
I’ve discovered that the time I spend walking Pepper can be some of my best time listening for the Lord. I try not to take my phone or listen to music, but instead spend the time intentionally asking God “What do I need to know today?”
As I walked Pepper through the park by my apartment, my eyes were drawn to the first tree changing colors for fall. It had bright red leaves in a sea of green.
As we got closer to the red tree, I was reminded of a few things.
I was reminded that in death there is life. Even though that tree was dying at the most rapid pace of the trees in the park, at first glance it had the most life.
I was reminded that in death there is beauty. As the red tree was dying, it was becoming more beautiful than it has ever been.
I was reminded that in death there is hope. Even though that tree is dying right now, it will bloom again.
These three principles are just as true of us when we die to our flesh and to the ways of life that held us before Jesus held us in His arms.
When we die to our past lives and behaviors, the Lord gives us life. He makes our souls more beautiful than they have ever been. And He promises us that we can have hope in the fact that we will bloom again.
And that’s why the dead leaf on my shelf is so important to me.
Because God used it to remind me that because of His love for me, I don’t have to feel shame or guilt over my past, only hope for my future.
Romans 8:1 says “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
That shame you feel over the sin in your past is not from God.
Read that again.
Shame is not from God. Shame is a tactic of the enemy.
If he can use condemnation and guilt to choke the celebration of new life out of you, he can make you forget all that you have to celebrate.
The healing Jesus has done in you, the renewed creation you are, the goodness of a man on a cross willing to die for you.
Like that leaf, as you die you become more beautiful, more radiant, more unique. More of the person that you were created to be. You become brighter. You become more alive in death.
Shake the shame. Cling to celebration.
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