2018, what a whirlwind you’ve been.
You started out much differently than you ended. And for that I am eternally grateful.
The first six months of this year, I thought I had everything I wanted. A shiny new Bachelor’s degree, a new car, a boyfriend I planned to marry, my first big girl job, an apartment in the city. Things felt perfect for a while.
But then sin came in and everything came to a screeching halt.
That boy I had my future, my happiness, and my hope so wrapped up in wasn’t the person I thought he was for a year and a half.
In reality, he wasn’t the perfect man of God that I had painted him to be in my mind. He was a broken, sinful person (like the rest of us), whose ongoing unfaithfulness left me feeling like I wasn’t lovable, worthy or enough when brought to light.
Life roundhouse kicked me in the gut and for a while, I let it. I let myself wallow in the pain of betrayal and utter heartbreak. I felt stupid, belittled, and made a fool of.
I blamed myself for the pain I felt. I convinced myself that God was punishing me for my own sin and for putting Him on the backburner.
But God. He is so good, so loving, so faithful.
He lifted my head to look in His eyes and said “Sweet girl, I’m not punishing you. I’m protecting you.”
He wrecked my plans before they wrecked me.
He drew me in closer than ever before in the midst of my pain and invited me into a beautiful, ongoing season of renewal and restoration.
For the things the Lord has taught me in the last six months of 2018, I’ll cherish the pain of first six months.
He taught me that pain isn’t bad, it’s just a symptom of finding new areas that need healing. He taught me that my emotional scars don’t have to be reminders of pain. Instead they can be badges of honor and reminders of tremendous healing. There’s been a lot of pain this year, but dare I say, there’s been even more healing.
He taught me to be gentle with myself, to speak to myself like a person I love, and to allow myself to be an amateur at life. He taught me that nobody expects perfection out of my life. Not even Him.
He taught me that my dreams, goals and desires are just as valuable as everyone else’s. He taught me that making myself a priority isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. He taught me that, yes Kearstin, it is a-okay that you’re an introvert and need to be alone sometimes.
He taught me that He isn’t afraid of or surprised by my messiness, my jagged edges or my sinful human nature. He knows it’s there and longs to be invited into it.
Most importantly, He’s turned the knowledge in my head that He is good and faithful and loving into solidified truth in my heart.
And that makes it all worth it.
2018, what a whirlwind you’ve been. 2019, what an adventure I’m sure you’ll be.
As always, I want to invite you on this World Race journey with me. Here are a few ways to do that!
-
The most important, pray. Right now, I’m asking that you would please pray for the Lord’s provision in reaching $5,000 fundraised by January 31.
-
Subscribe. If you want to subscribe to my blog and stay up to date on what God is doing in my life and in this journey, click the orange “Subscribe for Updates” in the top left-hand corner.
-
Share. If my blog has touched you in any way tell a friend by clicking the “Share with” links to share this on social media.
