I struggle a lot with control.
I haven’t shared a blog post in some time, because of the fear of losing control.
Sounds silly, right? But the fear is losing control of others thoughts of me. I try so hard to paint this perfect little picture of myself for people to see publicly, and I don’t show my vulnerable side. I try so hard to make sure people know me as a happy, smiling person.
I haven’t shared a blog post because what God has given me to share doesn’t show a happy, smiling Kayte.
And I have been so AFRAID to let go of this image that I’ve tried to create for myself and just let God use me for His purpose and plans.
In trying to control things, I have let fear control me.
I’ve had some hard talks with God lately, and I realize that trying to control my life (especially in times like now, where I feel like so much is falling apart) is also me being disobedient to God.
Today I am giving up. I am giving up control. All the things that I have spent so long trying to control, I am going to give to God to do with what He pleases. I’m giving this blog up to God. I don’t know what’s to come next here, but stay tuned to see how God is working in my life, including all the messy parts that I’ve tried to keep buried.
-KT
Let go and let God.
