On Kelsey’s last night with us in Malaysia she had us pray and ask God what was holding us back from freedom in Him. As I prayed I just started to cry. I started to see how broken I really was.
Why is this just coming up now? I’ve tried my best to press in to every obstacle that has come my way.
That night God revealed to me that I am struggling with trusting people…struggling with letting people in. I did a pretty good job at being pretty vulnerable with my first team but as team changes came so did the walls. Brick by brick they were built up in November. By the beginning of December, I had let the enemy build a wall keeping me from trusting my team in December.
So many of the closest friends in my life the past 5 years have just stopped talking to me or being there for me. They have been girls who have put men over me, but who were gossiping and didn’t like that I didn’t partake, who did not live their lives for Christ. There was no love in these friendships. I obviously didn’t mean much to them because when someone better came along I was old news to them.
Coming on this trip I craved friendships with women who knew Christ. Who would be accepting of my past and would build me up. I found that right away in my first month of the Race. I realized that people started to care for me; for my good, bad, and ugly.
But something changed in Japan. The person that I had got closest to this time was headed home for medical reasons. Another friend leaving my life but this time there wasn’t a choice to avoid it. At that point I didn’t want to go deep with anybody else. I was tired of being heart broken.
Once I realized that I struggled with this I started to hand everything over to God. I had a lot of questions. What does a true friendship look like? How can I be a better friend to others? How do I change this pattern? How do I keep friends around?
Well God answered a couple of questions for me.
On Sunday, 4 of us girls decided to hike to monkey beach. It was only a 3k hike through the jungle to get to this beach. We had heard that there were jellyfish in the water but not too many so it was still safe to swim; just watch out for the purple ones-they are poisonous.
The hike was absolutely amazing. We saw all sorts of God’s creatures. Monkeys, lizards, mushrooms, ants, and some of the most amazing trees I have seen. We took time to soak in His creations turning a 1.5 hour hike into a 3 hike. When we reached monkey beach, we were so excited to run, play, and relax.
I sat on a tree that hung over the water and dipped my feet in. It was the perfect temperature with the perfect view. It was the perfect moment. Seconds later I was in excruciating pain. I looked down to see that a jellyfish had floated right into my foot. I made matters worse by jumping down and running out of the ocean. In that perfect moment I had been stung by a jellyfish.
I had though back to the cab ride on the way to monkey beach. The driver shared that “just in case” you get stung information with us. He told us to pee on the sting. He did it when he was stung and it went away quickly after.
But I didn’t have to pee!! I had just went earlier on the hike!! Oh no, what do I do?
Bethany was right beside me at that time when all these thoughts were verbalized. “I have to pee” she said. Hmmm I thought about it hard but eventually decided that I could walk it off; it would be ok. The longer that I went without doing anything to it the more it hurt.
“Bethany, will you pee on my foot? I can close my eyes while you pee.”
So we started to walk towards the wooded area for her to pee on my foot. As we were walking to the edge of the jungle I remembered that I had an empty bottle from a Gatorade type of drink that I had finished during the hike. I gave her the bottle and she agreed to help me out. She came back and poured it overt foot and the pain slowly started to subside.
This is what a true friend is for. To help you out through thick and thin. To support you though the good, bad and ugly.
I opened up to Bethany about my struggle and she poured some words of wisdom into my life. People are only here for a season and it hurts but you have to trust God that He will provide you with someone else.
I had been putting friendships over God instead of letting God work in my life.
Praise the Lord!!! I am fully funded!!! Thank You so much to everybody who has supported me on my journey.
