division, enclosure, or protection
I had built them so strategically stone by stone plastered with cement that I didn't even realize I was doing it. Each time someone hurt me, left me, or caused tension in my life it was like adding more mortar to the mix and placing another stone on the wall.
I thought I was protecting myself from hurt, keeping people at a distance so they couldn't see the hurt or cause more hurt, and to create division in my life. I was enclosing myself with only things I thought would keep me safe, all the while hurting people in the process and shutting others out.
Each time I placed another stone on the wall it didn't look the same. Some were bigger because I felt in those times I needed more division, enclosure, or protection. Where as other times the stones could be small because it was just adding to another wound and just needed a little more protection.
Since being here I have seen what these walls do to others. How my defense mechanisms are not fair to the ones that I love. That in reality not only am I hurting myself because I don't want to allow people in but I'm also hurting them by keeping them at arms distance.
I know my God is bigger than these walls I have put up. I know he can bring them down just like he did in the battle of Jericho. But the question is will I let him?
What does it look like to have the Lord remove the walls we have placed in our lives?
I can tell you it's painful at times. And when that sun starts shining through the holes were he is breaking through, it's bright and scary. It makes you more vulnerable, and easier to be hurt.
But isn't it so good that he doesn't come with a bulldozer smashing down the wall all at once. That he is patient with us. He removes them stone by stone, brick by brick. And even though it is scary and looks very unsafe, it's actually the safest place we can be.
Because if we are honest with ourselves the places we have built walls we don't even let Jesus into those places. Which in turn means healing can not come, and you can not walk in the freedom that is promised to us. Which is not something I want for my life.
While it's a process and is painful at times, it's something I'm willing to do. I'm willing to let Jesus come in and break down the walls I have put up in only the way he can. I'm not saying it will be easy and that I wont try at times to fill in the gaps with more mortar or hide in the areas the light hasn't made it to yet.
But I am saying I will try. I will let Jesus expose more of me. I will let him take down the walls like he did around Jericho. It was because of obedience that the Lord made the walls fall. So I will be Obedient to my God.
Because…
I'm done putting division in my life.
I'm done trying to enclose myself.
I'm done trying to protect myself. When only Jesus really truly can.
My question for you is…
What are your walls? Who are you keeping out? Where do you need more of Jesus in your life?
