In October of 2008 my idea and feeling of safety was taken from me in a blink of an eye. I lived in Kalamazoo MI in an apartment with 3 other roommates right off of campus. I had tons of independence and believed I was safe and nothing could happen to me. I was 20 years old and had everything going great. Until that one night that turned my world upside down with one simple text message.
I was at home for the weekend visiting with my parents, when my best friend and roommate at the time texted me saying "I think someone is in our house" I had so many different feelings all at once, (was she hearing things, should I drive back to the apartment, she I call a friend to check on her, Is she going to be safe…).
I remember like it was yesterday I texted her right back asking the simple question of why she believed that. when I got the response back "because someone just turned my door knob and walked into your room" The next thing I knew to do was go wake my mom and dad up and have them pray. I wasn't with my best friend and I didn't know what was going on or what would happen to her. So I prayed and waited by my phone, not wanting to call her because we didn't want the intruder to know she was home.
After a long night of being updated by my friend via text, I found out that she had to crawl out her bedroom window to the cops because they were not sure if the intruder was still inside. The cops brought the K9 unit through the house and ran fingerprints. The police never found him that we know of. The intruder didn't take anything…except my feeling of safety.
But this was just the first time, it happened again when my sister another roommate was at the apartment with her boyfriend. Except this time he couldn't get in because of the door jar sticks we had purchased. My sister called the cops and then called me and my best friend home from a birthday party. We pulled up to a parking lot full of cop cars with their lights on and being told to wait in our car. When all I wanted to do was get inside to my baby sister. Once they let us in realizing where we lived, we were updated a half hour later that it was probably the same person and that the K9 unit only tracked him so far "he must have gotten in a car and left after that point." Feeling of safety gone again.
There is no stranger feeling then to think someone was in your room who was not invited or supposed to be in there. I thank God that I wasn't home at the apartment that weekend the intruder was able to get in. I never locked my bedroom door so the intruder would have walked right into my room with me in there. This thought bothered me for quite some time.
The rest of the year me and my best friend shared a room. We got better security for all the doors and windows. Just to try and create some sort of safety and comfort in our life. We tried to fill this feeling of safety with better security and our guy friends sleeping on our pull out couch.
I had never liked being alone before this happened, and after I hated it. Since then I have not lived alone or in an apartment. I ended up moving back home and then doing the World Race a few years later where I was never alone. After the race I moved to GA and lived in constant community where there were always people around and lived in safe areas with men in the house.
But this past week, I moved out of the CGA (community) housing and into an apartment with 4 other women. There is no door jars on the entrance door or alarms on the windows. There are no men living with me. I have been alone in the apartment some evenings but haven't had to stay alone over night yet. But now it's different.
I now know that my safety comes from my Daddy who loves me a lot. He kept me safe back in October 2008, and He will keep me safe now. He is my protector and my security. Having this realization does make it much easier to not live life in fear, however I will not say that some days it's a fight to remember and some days it takes a community to help me with the realization.
It's a process because my safety and security were invaded. But it's a process I can see that I have grown in. And one I'm still growing in. I know the Lord has placed me in a season of growing in my independence again and that comes with building the idea of safety in my home back up. It's not going to be an easy fix but one that takes some time and patience. I will be stronger better person because of it.
Isaiah 41:10 Do not be afraid I am with you! I am your God let nothing terrify you! I will make you strong and help you; I will protect you and save you.
