You know that feeling when you jump into the water and you go down so deep that your ears plug up and you can't hear. you loose all sense of direction and which way is up. And that fear settles in for a split second until you relax and realize you just need to chill and you will float to the top.
Well that is where i have been for the past couple weeks. In a mixed emotion of which way do I go, why can't i hear you daddy, and everything that was coming at me was not confirming anything but confusing me even more. I was drowning and couldn't remember to relax, and that my daddy is good and will bring me to the top.
While feeling like i was drowning I needed someone to throw me a rope and help me to find the surface. I needed to breathe. I needed a change of scenery where I could just be free for a minute and not worry what it looked like.
I so badly wanted out of the storm to see a rainbow and know that it was finished, but that is not what Jesus did. Because it's through the storms that we learn, and it's through the storms that we are strengthened for something greater, and your roots can grow even deeper.
I came home to Michigan for the week, to breathe. It amazes me how much Jesus can do in one day. I was blessed to ride home with my mom and grandma and it was so good. I have not laughed that much or hard in about 2 months and it was because of a crossword puzzle (come to find out numbers plus words not my strong suite).
Jesus knew exactly what i needed and when i needed to hit the panic button and get help for a minute. Since being home this week, so many people have told me things that I needed to hear and it's been good.
It hasn't been easy but it has been good. I can just be me and if that looks like laughing and joking with people, or sitting quietly in the car or in my room. I'm free to do that. I know the storm is not over yet, I still have more to learn.
But I do still know the truths and who my God is. And now I can see who I am again and have a different perspective of which direction is the way to the top of this big body of water. I'm still in the deep water but at least now I don't feel like I'm drowning, but swimming to the top.
