On the race the Lord has taught me several things so far. Many of those I have shared with you all back home. However this lesson that he keeps trying to teach me I have struggled with. It wasn’t until one night over a long travel day that a wise man told me that once you get comfortable that is when God changes things. That is so true, and it’s something that I hate I’m not a fan of change especially when everything is changing and nothing has stayed constant.
On our last travel day to Rwanda our squad leaders pulled my team of 5 into their room and let us know that they were splitting us up and putting us on different teams. This did not come as a shock to me however it wasn’t something I was thrilled about either. It had nothing to do with the people who would be on my new team it had everything to do with the fact I was struggling and there were certain people that I trusted and understood what I was going through. And I felt like those people were ripped out from under me. It wasn’t until we were at the Rwanda boarder that a wise woman who I respect greatly told me that there is a reason God took all the people who were helping me in that moment away, it’s because he wants me to only go to him and let God be the one I run to.
I knew this was truth and what I needed to hear but I didn’t like it. I should probably let you know that the reason I was struggling was because while in Tanzania I started battling depression and anxiety again. Something I had not dealt with for over 5 years. While traveling from Dar es Salaam, Tanzania to Rwanda I had several minor anxiety attacks and cried for most of the journey. There were lies coming in from every angle and the enemy had me right where he wanted me. I was completely blessed to spend the bus rides surrounded by people who knew how to help me in that moment and cared for me. So when I was told I was being placed on a new team once again, I was scared, stressed, anxious, and felt alone because no one on this new team knew how to help me and be for me in these situations. I just wanted someone I could trust and didn’t have to explain everything too. However that would mean staying comfortable where I was at and God doesn’t want that for me.
I was placed on a new team that now has 8 members which feels like a whole lot of people. I was I was given a new country and city in Rwanda. I was given a new contact and family to get to know. I was given different people to do ministry with that I didn’t know how they operate in ministry. I had nothing constant except for the fact that Jesus is still with me. That my father still loves me and can care for me better than any teammate, squad mate, or family member could. This means I have to fully rely on him and seek him in every moment of every day that the lord has to be my strength and my best friend.
Even though it has been a challenge switching teams again, I know God will do something incredible in this moment. I’m now on a team with 2 guys and 5other girls, we finally named our new team and God gave us the name new heights. That is what God is going to do in me in this new season he is going to take me into new heights. He is going to take this team of 8 into new heights with him. I’m excited to come out of this valley and climb to the mountain top and see the beauty God has waiting for me.
