I cry out to you, God, but you do not answer;
I stand up, but you merely look at me.
Job 30:20
This month has been pretty interesting for me in Craiova, Romania. It for sure has not been the easiest for our squad.
I’ve felt extreme joy.
I’ve felt extreme sadness.
I’ve felt extreme anxiety.
I’ve felt extreme fear.
I’ve felt extreme peace.
I’ve really enjoyed campus ministry with Adrian (Specific Ministry Host).
I’ve really loved being challenged by Raul (Lodging/Ministry Host) with hard questions and topics.
I’ve really enjoyed being in close proximity to Ana (Raul’s Wife) and her encouragement in my boldness to evangelize.
I’ve really been bummed by all the conversations about relationships, marriage, and children this month from leaders and those around me. It’s kinda like people have this idea that after the Race that you go home and get married. It kind of makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong (Don’t worry, I know the truth. So don’t feel any pity for me).
I have loved all squad month. Sharing a house with tons of people is a beautiful thing to me. As I believe one of the most beautiful and joyous things for me is a kitchen full of family, swapping convos, sharing meals, cooking together, late night chats etc. The saddest thing in the world to me is an empty kitchen.
I have had the Mama bear in me come out, more than once, in defense for our girls this month with the disgusting men of this world that seek sexual gratification and pleasure over choosing a life of righteousness in Jesus.
I’ve felt immense feels as I’ve heard Jezie say twice this month that I’m her best friend.
I’ve thrived as this month Stranger Things Season 3 was released.
I’m ecstatic that as of yesterday the Fresh Prince came out on Netflix.
We’ve had awesome playful times of playing the slapping game. Literally Jezie, Oscar, and I just decided to just start slapping each other to see what we could handle. (Sounds dumb, but…. yea we’re just dumb and are entertained by stupid things).
I’m excited for Alumni Team Leading, October through December. I have no idea what God wants to teach me in it. Nor do I understand how fundraising is going to work.
I’m mourning the idea that in a month and a half I will not be living 24-7 with this community.
I’m excited for G42 in March but still nervous about fundraising for that as well.
I have been constantly exhausted this month regardless of how much time I spend doing nothing, trying to rest, or how much sleep I get.
Spiritual warfare has been weird. We’ve all been exhausted like I said before. But we’ve all been wrestling with sickness and physical ailments too. I’ve been battling severe ringworm since Georgia, and I’d really love for it to be officially gone soon. It has now come back twice after being practically gone, and the Camino is not really where I want to continue battling it.
Oh yea! We fly out of Romania to Spain on the 24th to begin the Camino de Santiago. I will be walking approximately 15 Miles a day for the next month on this pilgrimage. And the ladies I will be doing this pilgrimage with are Allie, Jezie, and Maggie. We were able to choose our community for the Camino last night as a whole squad. It was already decided that the 4 boys would be doing it together. And our squad leaders Sara and Cami are walking it together. Now we have to decide for half of the squad to go the Northern Route and the other half the French Route.
I haven’t got a clue what the Lord is going to give me. But I expect revelation, promises, and prophecies and expect Him to do big things. I believe we are all expectant of this.
And all this month in my quiet times it has seemed that I have bore my soul to the Lord asking questions, expressing my aching heart, and all the while he has been quiet.
There’s a lot going on, and I just want to hear my Father’s voice.
I just want all of you to know this is all okay. Life is crazy. Swirling all around. A roller coaster of ups and downs, and half the times we have no idea what’s going on. Sometimes we don’t get the answers we’re looking for. And sometimes God just wants us to sit in what we do know, and what he HAS spoken to us. Because for now he doesn’t have to say anything. We just have to trust him and keep walking.
Read these other resources about God and His silence:
https://www.biblestudytools.com/blogs/ron-edmondson/7-suggestions-when-god-is-silent.html
https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/when-god-seems-silent
