Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21
When did I decide to go?
It has been since my second year in undergrad, at Wingate University, that I have had a burning desire to go on the World Race. I discovered the World Race when I was spending an evening with the Lord fanning the flame in my heart for missions. Specifically, I had in my heart the countries of Peru and India. And there was one WR route that had both of those countries on it, however, this route did not appear often.
But that was 4 years ago…
This summer while leading worship for a camp, at Skycroft in Middletown, Maryland, I experienced the Lord pulling my heart to finally GO to the nations after all this waiting for so many years. I had sent my mom a text on one of the last days at Skycroft and told her, “I’m pretty sure I’m going to be leaving the country soon”. Like any other mom would do she replied immediately with “call me!”.
Also in these last few days in Maryland, a dear friend of mine had text me to tell me her sister was back from the World Race if I wanted to meet up with her soon and hear about her experience.
The time is now…
Shortly after my return from Maryland, I was at a worship event, called Feast and Feast, and it was there that the Lord began speaking to me saying he wanted me to go on the Race and that the route I had been waiting on would be released next. I was so convinced that in the route reveal of August that I was going to see India and Peru on a route together… I was going to see MY route. I had applied, I had paid my deposit, I had ideas together of how to raise support, and I was convinced I would be going on the Race in August of 2018.
Did He actually speak to me?
As I watched the route reveal in August, as each was released one by one… my route was not there. I was crushed… I began asking myself if I even knew how to hear from God at all. And with that question permeating through me, the questions that immediately followed were, “Did he actually call me to use my voice for him?”, “Did he actually call me to seminary for counseling?”, “Did he actually give me a passion for the nations”, “Did he actually speak to me about [x, y, z]?”
This was a hard season for me, I found myself feeling more defeated and lost than I ever have in my entire walk with the Lord. Though he did not give me the answer to my questions right away, what He did show me was a hard lesson… the hardest one I have yet to swallow.
The lesson learned
In the midst of my hurt, in the midst of being so ready, and being so prepared, and walking out in faith… God told me… “I don’t need you to magnify my name. I can do that myself. I don’t need you, you need me.” Now don’t get scared about my theology here, the Great Commission is a real thing, Jesus Christ sending us to the nations is a COMMAND not a SUGGESTION. What was actually happening in that moment was God was speaking to my heart, to the deepest part of it.
I have found so much value in being needed, and what God just told me was that he didn’t need me. But let me catch you up to speed, a couple of months before this event, God had very clearly told me “I don’t need you, but I want you”. It is one thing to hear these things and know it, but it’s another thing when you have to actually put it into practice.
My world was shaken as I was more preoccupied with the thought of “If I don’t go how am I glorifying God? I’m not doing enough! This life here is not enough!”
A few days later Desiring God released an article talking about how so many people my age are willing to say to God, “Where you go, I’ll go” but not “Where you stay, I’ll stay”. For the first time, I had to hold this option with open hands to the Lord.
He did speak to me…
Then two months later, October 2018 routes were released. I sat with my dear friend Alexa to watch the route reveal, not expecting anything… then it was there. MY ROUTE! Not only did it have Peru and India on it, but 5 of the countries were Spanish speaking countries. This was so significant because I received a minor in Spanish at Wingate and I have had a special love for Spanish speaking people.
So, moral of the story, YES, He actually did speak to me… like many other times in my life I just expected and applied to early. I did not wait on him, or even believe that his timing would be different than mine. There have been so many times when the Lord has shared something with me and I don’t see it brought forth immediately and I become discouraged. We all know that God does not do anything too early or too late, in fact in these moments he is right on time. When the Lord speaks to my heart now, I know to wait patiently and listen. He tells me these things not for me to walk and step into them necessarily; He’s the one doing all the work! He tells me these things to grow me in my faith, to grow me in believing in what he says and what he has is best for me. With the World Race not only did He speak to me in truth and fulfill his promises, but he gave me a route even more unimaginable and perfect than I ever expected, and He is allowing me to go.
