My students here in Guatemala have captured my whole heart. Never in my life have I met a group that I desire to pour every ounce of my time, energy, and soul into, no matter the cost, the way I do with this group. I love each and every one of them with ALL that I am. The students of Colegio CEI are the reason I now want to be a teacher. I want to pour into teenagers and push them to be all they were created to be. To do what I have been doing this past month for the rest of my life. One of my students solidified this desire in me. It was one of those “Break-my-heart-for-what-breaks-Yours” God moments.
The conversation started normal. He noticed my insulin pump and asked me about it. This happens a handful of times every week, so I gave him my rehearsed answer: “Medicine. I am diabetic.” His response was full of love and care. “No. You’re not allowed to be. Take it off.” I laughed and told him that it didn’t work like that.
What came next blew my mind. “You can NOT be sick. You’re not allowed. Pray and God will take it away.” Talk about FAITH. I was baffled and wanted to see him put that faith in action.
“Why don’t YOU pray for me?” He immediately shut it down. “I can’t,” he replied. “I am a sinner.”
My heart SHATTERED. I tried to explain how we are all sinners, but he just shook his head. “When God looks at you, He doesn’t see your sin anymore.” Tears filled his eyes, but he quickly adjusted his hat, breaking our eye contact and tried to avert my attention elsewhere. I hurt so badly for him. This kid so obviously knows the power that Christ has, yet deems himself unworthy of being in communication with the all-powerful God. His shame gets in the way. God sent His son to DIE and do away with the sins of the world. God sent His son to DIE and do away with the sins of my student, specifically. He paid the ultimate price as a ransom for my student’s life, if only he accepts the free and incomprehensible gift. But the shame in his life is so big that its preventing him from receiving his inheritance as a child of God.
That is NOT okay.
Teenagers are so adaptable. They give into the lies of the enemy so easily. Lies that say they are not good enough. They never will be good enough. They are too far gone. Unlovable. Too big of a screw up. Teenagers are vulnerable, and have an easier time believing the lies from the enemy over the truths from the Father. I know, because that was me — a young teen believing that I was a mistake and that I had no worth. The battle for my soul raged, my eternity at stake. I am so forever grateful for those who fought for me: the tangible evidence that the Lord seeks after and relentlessly pursues His children.
The Lord’s heart breaks for His children who readily receive the shame and reject the sacrifice He has made for them. I have learned that this is where my heart aligns the most with God’s. Teenagers are the next group of KINGDOM SHAKERS rising up. That is why so many lies are thrown at them. Why their worth and identity are continually torn down. The battles for their souls are raging, their eternity at stake. They can not bring Jesus to others if they don’t believe that they themselves are worthy of receiving Him. I want to be the one to fight for them: the tangible evidence that the Lord is seeking after His children. I want to push them to see and full heartedly believe in their worth in Christ. I want to activate them in seeing who the Lord created them to be, and encourage them to continually run after their passions and desires.
I want them to discover the parts of their hearts that break when God’s heart breaks, and not to EVER be content until every God-sized dream is fulfilled. I want them to be the Kingdom Shakers they are called to be.
I have been fighting every day and will continue to fight for my student. I will not allow him to be blinded and bullied by his shame into thinking he is not worthy of the relationship that God wants with him. The battle for his soul is raging, his eternity is at stake, and I will not rest until his shame is done away with and he is walking confidently as the Kingdom Shaker God created him to be.
