“Cause you have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I’ll go where you will lead me, Lord”
I’m the type of person that likes structure. I like rules. I like to set goals and work hard until I achieve them. I like a clear path. I like 5-year plans. You see, I like control. I’ve always liked it, and I’ll always be inclined to want it.
But here’s the thing: you can’t have control over your life while allowing God to have control over your life. Either you’re in control or He is.
This lesson hasn’t come to me easily. I always make plans for myself and God has a tendency of turning those plans completely upside down (thankfully, His ways are so much greater than my own!). But sometimes my grip is so tight on what I think is best for me, that it’s painful to let go.
I’m going to tell you about how God has been working in my life over the last few years leading up to the World Race, and how this lesson has been driven home by these experiences, starting back in grade 9.
I had it in my head for all 4 years of High School that I was going to become a Marine Biologist. I spent these years working solely towards my goal of going to University so that I could go on to be a researcher. That was my path, and I didn’t see myself doing anything else. That is, up until I actually got to University and realized that, even though I had reached my goal and was in the program of my dreams, I felt discontent and unexcited. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t feel satisfied with the path I was on. I couldn’t understand why I wanted to quit (I am not the type of person to quit easily!). Despite this, I stuck with my first year and decided maybe I just needed to switch degrees, although I didn’t feel happy with any ideas I came up with (Environmental Science, Elementary School Teacher, etc.).
I was at a Christian conference over the summer after my first year of University when it hit me: my whole life I’d had this dream in the back of my mind that one day I’d be a ministry leader in a church, using every ounce of my being to serve God and build up His kingdom, but I’d never allowed this dream to take hold. It brought me to tears as I felt that dream take up more space in my heart than ever before. I listened to the men and women that led the sessions talk about their lives in ministry, and, for the first time, I started to truly believe in that as my calling. I wrote in my journal that night: “For the first time in I don’t know how long, I feel like I have dreams again…I am extremely grateful for the ways in which God has opened my eyes to the opportunities I have in my life to serve Him with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. I want to spend the rest of my life focusing purely on God and serving Him in the best way I possibly can…I want the opportunity to learn at the feet of Jesus.”
Now the thing about God’s calling is that it’s always greater than anything we would ever imagine for ourselves, and, in that, it’s insanely exciting, but also immensely terrifying. And that little voice can find it’s way in that says, “You’re not good enough,” or “You don’t have what it takes,” or “That’s just a dream.” And after pursuing some church internships and paths into ministry to no avail, I started to listen to those voices. I unknowingly let my dream take a backseat, and I decided I’d just go back to University.
The day before University was supposed to start, I felt so unsettled. I couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t where I was meant to be, and after a lot of thought and prayer leading up to this point, I decided not to go back. This was not an easy decision, as I had no plan (you all know how much I love my plans). But I decided I needed to trust that God had bigger plans for my life than I could see, and it was time to let go of control.
Oddly enough, a couple weeks later, I got a message from a family friend telling me that she was looking for a nanny and was wondering if I’d like to move to Australia to nanny for her. Australia!! That was no small offer. I love kids and was already working as a Swim Instructor at the time, so that part of the deal sounded great. I also adore traveling and seeing new places, and Australia was always at the top of my list, so that was certainly appealing! But I wanted to be sure that this would be a good move for me spiritually, so we talked about church options and whatnot, and after much prayer and counsel, I decided to go for it!
I’m a firm believer that we grow the most when outside our comfort zone, so I figured this would give me opportunities for growth that I’d never had before, and it would be a great chance for God to make me more like Him. Everything about it would be new: leaving home for the first time, moving to a new country by myself, going to a church far more liberal than I’d grown up with, and an abundance of other things.
So on December 27, 2014, I moved to Australia. Let me just say, this was by far the best year of my life up to this point. It wasn’t always easy, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I fell in love with a little town called Sale, Victoria and the beautiful people that make up Sale Baptist Church. God used this place to teach me about grace, something I’d never really understood; He taught me about His ability to take my weakness and turn it into strength for His glory; He taught me what it means to worship Him wholeheartedly, surrendering everything; He showed me how to truly love and forgive in the way He teaches us to love and forgive; He gave me confidence in who He created me to be and the woman He is forming me into; He helped me to see the importance of living life in fellowship with other believers; and He showed me the incredible joy that is found in serving and loving others.
I would have loved deeply to have stayed in Sale, and I thought for sure this was the next step for me, but, as I explained before, God’s plans always seem to be different from my own. My visa was denied to stay in Australia, and I ended up coming back to Canada with a heavy heart and considerable uncertainty about my future. But in that, I knew deeply that God loves me and works for the good of those who love Him, and I had faith that His plans are greater than my own (as they’ve always proven to be).
That year in Australia helped my dream to grow bigger than ever before: my dream that I had started to doubt. It helped me to remember that I need to let the size of my God determine the size of my dreams. God is so much greater than I am, and He calls me higher than what I think I’m capable of; He calls me deeper than living a life of ease, comfort, and complacency. My dream of living my life wholeheartedly for Him through ministry work started to seem perfectly possible with God on my side.
When I returned home, I started looking into my next steps. I came up with a few options, determined not to settle for less than courageously following God in whatever He had planned next for me. One night, I randomly remembered being told about the World Race by my friend, and I decided why not look into it some more. After reading about the program, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was it; this was the next step. I slept on it, and the next day I was sure that God was calling me towards this crazy act of obedience, so I applied. I knew that if the door opened, then this was the way I was to go. Next thing I knew, I was getting a call saying I had been accepted into the program!
So this is my story of how I ended up where I am now, preparing to leave in October for an 11 month mission trip, which is both exciting and terrifying (I wouldn’t expect any less of something God has led me to do!). I look forward to boldly going where God will lead me!
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Thanks for reading about what God is doing in my life.
With love,
Kaylee
