How many of us struggle with the approval of others? Well if you asked me a few months ago I would have told you that I did not. It is interesting what comes out when you really give everything to God. I didn't realize how much I struggled with the acceptance of the people I am around. That doesn't mean I don't have fun with everyone, or that I don't have my crazy moments. It is almost like I would do those moments to prove that I didn't care what people thought, but really I was still as insecure as everyone else.
I realized how much I felt left out as I looked around at all of my team huddled in groups laughing and getting to know each other. I started to wonder what is wrong with me that I am not included?? What was wrong that no one came up to talk to me?? I felt so hurt that no one wanted to come talk to me and that yet again I had to go and insert myself into the groups. I just hoped that it would be different this time. You know why it wasn't different this time? It is because I wouldn't subconsciously let it be different. I was still bitter about it all from my past that I was still quick to jumping to conclusions. It was not a good place to be in.
Well I can happily tell you all that things are changing now. I am working through that and I am trying not to let it all get to me. God showed me how it is destroying the person I could be if I didn't learn to get my acceptance from Him and not the people around me. It is so hard to not jump to the defensive and not feel like I belong. But no longer is that going to drive my attitude. I was really having a hard day with all of this and was journaling about it and oh man did God decide he was tired of me feeling sorry for myself. We were doing a prophesying exercise and WOW did God hit me hard!! I was getting told by the person next to me a vision, (yeah it was exactly what I needed to hear). She told me "I see a father on his knees with his arms wide open at the end of a driveway, and a little girl running to him. He says that you are loved and accepted by me. You fit in because I made you the way you are." There was more she told me but that is what has stuck with me the most. Lets just say I started to bawl like a baby. (By the way I am not much of a cryer so that was odd for me to do that). But in that moment that is exactly what I needed to hear. Since then things haven't been the same.
So when you are feeling like you don't fit in any where and you are not accepted, just remember that God the one who created you in His image accepts you. He loves you and wants to hold all of our fears and doubts for us. So hold strong in him and never let the devils lies fill your mind. Keep the truth of God in your heart forever!
