Well, I have successfully made it five months without giving my testimony on the Race. I spoke about my past struggles with low self-esteem while giving a presentation to some high school students in Bolivia, but most of that presentation consisted of facts rather than how Jesus changed my life.
I haven’t offered to give my testimony, because I don’t feel like I have one to tell.
I am afraid that anything I might say would be considered unimportant or irrelevant. What part of my life is worth reciting? The dictionary on my computer tells me that a testimony is “a public recounting of a religious conversion or experience.” Have I had a “religious conversion or experience”?
Would my story of losing an aunt and grandpa to suicide make an impact on someone else? Would it make a difference if I shared stories about the emotions and regrets that haunted me after the sudden deaths of those two family members? If I tell people about the rejection I experienced in school, will it resonate with their own struggles? Is there any point to telling about the depression and anxiety that overwhelmed most of my life? Who would really care about the anger and bitterness I felt towards friends and family, and the changes that are continually happening in my heart?
I have often felt like my story wouldn’t make an impact on anyone else, that someone would have to hear the fully story to understand — “ain’t nobody got time for that!”
— But have I ever considered the disrespect towards the Almighty by denying the work of Christ in my life?
Another definition of testimony is the “evidence or proof provided by the existence or appearance of something.”
There is no doubt that God was patiently waiting for me to ask every question I needed to in order to process the deaths of family members. When I was rejected by classmates, He took me into His arms and comforted me. When I was anxious, He reminded me that in everything, with thanks giving by prayer and petition, I need to make my requests known to God. And in that, the peace of God, which surpasses all of my understanding, would guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus [Phil. 4:6-7]. He is the reason I am still here today — the reason I am on the Race.
I am the evidence, the proof, provided by the existence and appearance of Christ in my life.
