I’m going to be real honest with you.
There is no escaping brokenness.
It doesn’t matter if you’re out on the mission field or at home doing the 8-to-5. It doesn’t matter if you’re in your early 20s or late 40s. There is no way around brokenness if you want to continue to grow.
The night before Thanksgiving in 1990, my best friend and roommate, Erica, and I were in the basement of our house, spinning each other in the rocking chair – as any four- and five-year-old would be doing for fun. Erica’s turn was over and I was ready for mine. I sat in the rocking chair, my arm resting on the arm of the chair. The chair spun and spun. Erica gave another push to continue the amusement.
Then the chair flew forward with me in it.
I screamed from insurmountable pain as the chair pinned my arm to the cold linoleum. The fall had bent my arm in the shape of a boomerang, and I went into shock. I walked up a half flight of stairs and sat down as I waited for our moms to come to our aid. Erica’s mom rushed us to the hospital, thankfully not too far away.
“The doctor x-rayed your arm, wrapped it in the initial setting tape, and then ‘broke’ it for a clean break and set it straight. They wouldn’t let me be in the room during the time they did it – but you screamed the same scream again… I was right out the door and nearly fainted and burst into tears and sobbed. I was let back in immediately and we both cried…”
Sin is everywhere around us. Bad things happen to people we love and there’s not a lot we can do about it. The pain of the world leaves a bitter taste in our mouths and our hearts become “bent.”
My mom knew I couldn’t walk around this life with a bent arm, and our Heavenly Father knows that living this life with a bent heart is no good either.
There is a point at which you crash into the ground. You begin to look towards your Father for guidance and help, except his only response is to bring you to His doctor, Jesus Christ, to aid in the healing. Jesus comes in and breaks your bent heart into two. “Break my heart for what breaks yours,” is so often your prayer. Instead of letting the world shatter your heart, He performs a clean break – in order for Him to set it properly.
Breaking your heart doesn’t bring Him pleasure. As our Father waits on the other side, he weeps for us. His heart breaks with ours. And it yearns for us to be whole in Him.
The Holy Spirit, our Comforter, rushes in and wraps you up in his perfect arms. He holds you as you heal. He has patience while you relearn things out after the cast comes off.
This last month has had ample opportunities for brokenness. Week one brought sickness. The end of week two was the bus accident on the Salt Flats with new friends of ours. The last week began with goodbyes/thank-yous from the church with which I’ve begun to feel connected. Then I found out that the 19-year-old mother of three (two of which are 2-year-old twins) who lived in the complex with us, and we had been ministering to this month (through patience, good examples, and unconditional love for her kids), was asked to leave their room by the end of the day Monday. That same night, we met a family who has a son with a rare disease that has left him paralyzed.
Questions flooded my thoughts as to why — why, everything?
I’m still working through the peace of knowing that I don’t need to know why. I need to pray over the situations, and let God break my heart the way it breaks His. That is what I had asked for, and now I need to lean into Him and let him set it correctly. In time I will heal, but I won’t be the same. And that’s a good thing.
