This update is looooong overdue, I agree. So here’s a brief catch up of where I’m at now. We left Guatemala about a week into December, and arrived in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia a couple days later. We hit the ground running with multiple challenges, but managed to get each team to their location and host. I traveled to a smaller town called Sungai Petani, and stayed there with one of our teams for two weeks. We also have two teams placed in Penang, so I was blessed to spend Christmas there! I was also able to connect with some family friends who are doing incredible mission work in Penang. It was so amazing how it all worked out. I stayed in Penang for a few weeks, then headed to the small town of Kuala Lipis which is the very center point of Malaysia’s mainland and where I am currently located. So here we go…
I’ve needed my wisdom teeth out for a few years now, but it’s far too expensive to have them removed without insurance. I’ve had success with dental care overseas thus far and decided to look into what the possibilities were to get my wisdom teeth removed here. I found a great dentist and decided to get my non-impacted wisdom tooth removed. Everything goes great. He let me keep my wisdom tooth. Awesome.
Until the local anesthetic wears off…
Yes, I’m on painkillers, but something is not right. Either they aren’t strong enough or they just haven’t kicked in yet. Thankfully, by the afternoon/evening it’s improved dramatically. Then, over the next few days the pain and swelling increased, making it difficult to swallow. I kinda sounded like I had marbles in my mouth when I talked. Haha. As it turns out, it had gotten a little infection. Aw crappers. I
went back to the dentist this morning and he gave me antibiotics and more pain medication. Cool. It’ll be gone soon.
So tonight we opened for the first time the fellowship room that this community will be using to gather as fellow believers and invite others in to learn about the Lord. We got to worship and pray together as we dedicated the space to God’s plans for fellowship and outreach in this town. It was great! After, we were invited to attend a house church session with one of the families that came to the dedication. It was incredible to be a part of something so authentic and passionate. Needless to say, I might have overdone it by singing too loud and caused my throat and mouth more pain. Oops. We got back home around midnight, and I quickly headed for bed.
And here I am.
2:30am.
On my sleeping pad.
Crying.
One part pain.
One part frustration.
One part helplessness.
Now just press pause on this dramatic scene for just a second.
For quite a while now I’ve been asking God to show me what it means to be completely dependent on Him and to transform me into a dependent daughter. Instead of praying for things to make me more comfortable, praying for a dependent heart even if that means difficult circumstances. I want to be like the Israelites in the desert. To be so daily reliant on God, the way they were reliant on the daily manna from heaven to survive.
I’ve also been diving into what it looks like to increase my hunger for God. To not be enslaved by my hunger for other things. To let the love of Christ control me, as opposed to comforts and distractions of this world. Prayer and fasting is a way to do this. (I highly encourage you to listen to James MacDonald’s message on prayer and fasting on Walk in the Word. It’s fantastic.)
Now press play again…
I’m on my sleeping pad, crying out to God for healing. For relief.
It is now, at my most broken moment, that I am finally ready to hear what He is speaking to me.
“Your desire for relief from this physical pain is only the smallest fraction of my desire to be in constant relationship with you. How much do you desire the same of me?”
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I PRAYED FOR.
I prayed to know what it was like to be 100% desperate for the Lord. To have such an intense hunger for Him that everything else seems unimportant. This pain and need that I am experiencing right now is just a physical representation of what my spiritual hunger can look like. Where a minute cannot go by without thinking of Him. Where this spiritual hunger disturbs my sleep. Where it affects how I talk, how I eat, how I laugh, how I sing, how I think, how I breathe! He is always there with me as a constant reminder of my dependence.
I can choose to temporarily numb or not feel the pain by taking more pain medication or trying to sleep. Just like I can hinder my hunger for God by feeding that hunger with other things like entertainment, food, seeking approval or affirmation, etc… The list goes on.
It’s like we are giving little pieces of our soul to these things when we choose to use them to satisfy this hunger that they were never meant to fill. The end result is being left unsatisfied and enslaved to these things. Do not CHOOSE to be a victim or prisoner of your own desires. It’s too easy to give reasons and make excuses, but what it comes down to is our own willingness. The Lord has always been waiting for you, pursuing you with arms wide open. What do you truly desire most?
I have now been leading Gap C Squad for 5 months, but we still have 4 months to go! I just want to say a massive thank you to all who have supported and encouraged me through all this. You all are incredible and I trust that you are being faithful with the mission field that the Lord has given you in your own communities.
I am still in need of $2000 of financial support to be fully funded. I ask that you prayerfully consider partnering with me as countless lives are being impacted through this program over these 9 months. This group of 46 young adults are growing and learning so much about the Lord and who He has called them to be. He is pushing them to come to the end of themselves and to allow Him to fully take over. I only wish you could see first hand how far these hearts have come as they work together to win hearts for God. Even a monthly donation of $20 makes such a difference. Thank you for the thoughts, prayers, and continual love given from afar.
Kayla.
UPDATE: I’m currently in the hospital receiving fantastic care and I won’t get into all the details, but I’m improving quickly and after a few more rounds of antibiotics, should be able to leave after my second night here! PRAAAAAAISE. God’s got me in great hands:)
