Just to start off I just want to say how thankful I am that God has continued to give me peace about this decision to drop everything and seek His calling for me around the world. I know I will be completely out of my familiar comfort zone, but I still trust that this is where I need to be.
That being said, the past couple weeks I couldn’t help but try to imagine all the different situations and conversations I could be involved in. I will encounter people from so many different cultural backgrounds, upbringing, and values. So naturally that led me to question myself, “Am I even ready for this?!” My wanting-to-be-over-prepared side takes over and starts listing off all the ways I am inadequate for this task that has been placed before me. I know this is supposed to be the part where everything is all happy and exciting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m completely through the roof ecstatic about everything that’s happening. Seriously can’t wipe this goofy smile off my face whenever I get talking about it. But let’s be real. I’m totally nervous and scared. How am I suppose to reach these people or tell them about God’s love when I can barely/can’t speak their language? What if I don’t know what to say or even worse, say the wrong thing? I’m so not qualified to be getting into this. I studied biology and chemistry in university, not religion!
As I’m pouring this all out to God I realize how much I’m trying to depend all on my own strength and have totally taken God out of the equation. God loves to use weak people. Moses, David, Gideon, Peter, and many other Biblical giants in the Bible all had weaknesses that God transformed and used for His glory. He is definitely not limited by the things we consider to be limitations. It makes me crazy excited to know that God wants to use me not only despite my flaws, but moreover BECAUSE of my flaws. He will undoubtedly receive all the praise and glory if and when I allow Him to work through my weaknesses. “We ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.” (2 Corinthians 4:7)
So the question still stands. Am I ready? In my own strength? Big, fat no. But if I choose to open myself up as a empty vessel to God and allow Him to completely take over and fill me, then I believe it will be His words and His love overflowing from the work He is doing in me. So the next time Satan comes to discourage me and point out my inadequacies and shortcomings I will take Paul’s example and boast in my weaknesses knowing that Christ’s power will be shown in abundance in these moments!
“God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.”
-Unknown
With love,
Kayla
