The smell of roasting corn and sweet potatoes filled the air, Khmer dance music bumped all around me, the students at Lighthouse were dancing as I’d seen them do a hundred times before, and I stood quietly observing it all. I wanted to soak in my last night in Battambang—my last night with these students who are now forever written upon my heart.
As I watched, our host’s four year old daughter, Molina, came up to me. She stood at my feet and looked up at me with the sweetest brown eyes, her arms held straight up toward me, universal kid speak for “pick me up”. I lifted her, and she immediately wrapped her little arms around my neck, resting her head against my shoulder.
Instantly, it was one of those moments that when you’re in it, you realize you’ll never have it again.
It is unlikely that I will ever see Molina again, and in the event that perhaps God has other plans for me and I do someday return to this ministry, it is unlikely she will be little and want to be held like this.
I lived in the moment, wanting nothing but to feel the sweet comfort of holding a child. I started to pray for her and the gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit came to me;
“Hold her like Jesus would.”
I thought about how Jesus would hold a person, how He has held me in the past. I started to cry, for He is good.
“Hold her like Jesus would.”
I adjusted my arms, making sure she was secure, safe, and comfortable. I tried to allow everything that is my being radiate love and acceptance; with me there is nothing to fear. Her little body was limp in my arms, wholly trusting, wholly relaxed.
“Hold her like Jesus would.”
I don’t know how long it was, but I didn’t put down precious Molina for a long, long time. I held her and I cried, as Holy Spirit told me to hold her like Jesus would. Despite the rest of the party, the food, and the other goodbyes I had yet to say, I stayed frozen in that moment with Holy Spirit and one of his sweet daughters, doing my best to love on her.
His word was for that moment, I am convinced of that, but I know this word is for the future too. Maybe not a prophecy, but perhaps a heads up for another girl, in another place, in another time. I have been instructed to hold her like Jesus would.
Holy Spirit reminded me why I’m here; to love. That’s it.
That’s not to say I’ve already lost sight of my calling here after only one month. Rather, it was a reminder of what my true goal is. I’m here to love and to try my best to have Jesus’ hands, whether that means building tin roofs, or unclogging toilets, or stirring vast pots of rice, or hugging sweet children.
As I’ve said goodbye to Battambang and am about to enter a new season of ministry in Thailand, I’m trusting Him. I’m quickly learning that it’s all I can do, because I’m really just a little girl with big brown eyes looking for something safe and stable in the chaos of this world.
Friends, He’s it. There’s nothing bigger or safer or more stable than Him. That nugget of truth is becoming increasingly evident as things continue to change, and will continue to change over this year… over the rest of my life.
So, whatever, wherever, and whoever The Lord has planned for me to meet, I want to meet them with Jesus’ hands, not my own. And to wherever “she” is out there in the world, I’m praying for her already, and I can’t wait to, as I did for sweet Molina, hold her like Jesus would.
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Currently: Overflow Hostel, Siem Reap, Cambodia | 6:40 PM | 85% Funded | from the head to the heart, He’s taking me on a journey
