Prior to beginning the race, I asked the Lord to change the
desires of my heart to match His. I began to experience this in my spirit and
in order to prepare for the race I decided to dread my hair. My mom had told me
to pray about it but I had no worries and just went for it. I knew I would
learn something from it but it didn’t exactly know what. For anyone that has
ever had dreads or known someone who has, you know that it takes a lot of work
to get your hair to start to grow into the locks. Your arms get tired from
twisting the hair and rolling it in your palm. What you literally have to do is
make your hair knot and twist and curl into the locks. You must make your hair
go against it’s naturally tendency to be free and matte it together and then train
it to continue in the process.
Here is what I’ve learned from dreading my hair. God brought
me to this earth perfect in His image with gifts and abilities. He created me
to be in relationship with Him and to grow in intimacy with Him. I am on this
earth to be loved by Him and to learn to love others in the same way. But I
missed it. I missed it big. Rather than understanding his love for me is
unconditional, I feared that me messing up in life was so disappointing to Him that
I would actually lose His love. I thought that He loved me more when I did good
and not so much when I messed up. And because I didn’t understand His love I
have loved people with my love, which is proud and selfish. I had been running
around knotting up my life with sin and taking what I thought was love and
making a mess of things. Much like what happens when people with straight hair
try to make dreads. You knot and twist and matte and make a bunch of little
messes. Eventually if you can’t keep your messes apart, you end up with one
giant dread that you can’t do anything with.
So, month 4 of the race, I decided there is a point to be
made. I am cutting off all the dead knotted messes off of my head and it is
time to embrace the newness of what God has. It is time to let my hair grow and
be as it was meant. And for me it is time to walk in the identity that the Lord
has given me and use my abilities for His glory. It is time to accept His love
and know that it will never part from me. And it is time to love as He loves,
without condition, without ulterior motives and selfish intentions. It is time
to be the daughter He has created me to be and stop making a mess of things…
including my hair 🙂
