I’ve been warned that it happens. That somewhere along the journey you begin to become numb to things that you see. That they become less shocking.
Poverty.
Lack of food.
Battered clothing.
Dirty children running around.
Beggars on the street.
Shacks for houses.
You begin to feel like your normal is that nothing around you is “normal”.
This is where I found myself this month. The things that I know should effect me weren’t. I wasn’t able to feel compassion towards the people who needed me to this month.
So I prayed a dangerous prayer:
“Lord, I don’t want to go through the rest of this race with this feeling. I don’t want to live my life like this. I want my heart to be on fire. Continue to break my heart for the things that still break yours.”
And today He did. The weight of the reality around me came upon me like a ton of bricks.
If the 180 kids at our ministry were not in the children’s home, 95% of the would be in brothels by now. Boys and girls the same.
They would be forced to work every day, selling themselves on the street.
Being violated by multiple people 10-15 times every night.
The giggles I hear playing ninja with the boys would be replaced with a cry for their innocence that is stolen from them over and over again.
The faces that eagerly ask to play another game of UNO would be down cast with the impact of the evil done towards them when they are just children.
I cannot fathom it. I do not understand. This is what makes it easy for people to say, “It doesn’t make sense to me, so it must not be happening that much. It can’t be.”
BUT IT IS.
Every day in Thailand.
And my heart is breaking.
Because my heart is breaking, I know the Father’s heart must be breaking more than I can imagine.
There is no pretty way to sum up this blog, because what is happening in not pretty.
However, when the weight seems too much to handle, I have to remind myself of a few simple truths:
God is good.
God is in control.
God has the victory in the end.
And that is something to cling on to.
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
