For as long as I can remember I have let a set of words define who I am. They have manipulated how I view myself and how I believe others view me. They have turned dreams into clouds of dust. The words I am talking about are "no, you can't do that. You won't be ABLE to [insert anything here]." From sports to music to church to school, this has been my life. I have translated that, in my mind, into 'you are not good enough. You never have been and you never will be.' Because of these words I don't believe in myself and I don't believe in the power of God. If my family does not think I can do this then what makes me think that God believes in me? These words have given me no confidence as a woman. Actually, they have taken away all confidence. I feel totally useless as a human being. I don't try to do anything because I know I won't be able to do it. When I do try something and succeed I am told "it was luck" and won't last.
For the past few days, every single day, I have had conversations, with the same person, about this mission trip that starts off with you can not do it. You won't be able to raise the money for it. I WILL NOT pay for it (although I have not asked). How do you live life with that being thrown at you in every direction? Especially someone you look up to and respect. How can I think God has called ME to this in this season of life when I 'am not good enough do it'? Why should I even try to entertain the idea or pursue the action? I wake up to questions of doubt and discouragement EVERY DAY.
I have spent the past 22 years of life living in this false reality. But I am cutting the chains. The cord is broken because I DO BELIEVE. I believe because God believes. If God is the only One who does believe in me than I am perfectly okay with that. He is all I need to worry about. I FULLY believe God will provide for me and this trip because I believe God has something to teach me. He HAS called me. I have no idea why I signed up. I can actually say that I have no idea what I am to do tomorrow but live in the Grace and Mercy of God.
In approximately 5 WEEKS or 35 DAYS I will be making my way to Washington D.C. to launch for my World Race. My goal is to be fully funded before I leave. I still have $10,000 left to raise. My goal will be met because I believe God has placed people in my life that believe in me and that are willing to support me.
I am not asking you to give all $10,000. I am asking you to pray to God for direction in giving. I believe if you ask for words from God, He will speak to you. Give what you feel led to give whether that is $25, $50, or even $5 or $10. I have done the math and I have realized that if 100 people give $100 or 200 people give $50 I will be fully funded. Pray about becoming a one time donor or a monthly donor. AND if you cannot donate, no worries I still need prayer. Lots and lots of prayer.
I cannot even begin to describe the feeling I have know there is a community out there who believe in me. But it is more than that, I am grateful there is a community out there that believe i what God is doing around the world.
I love and are grateful for you ALL more than you could ever know!
