It’s amazing how your day can change in a moment. You close your eyes for just a second, and by the time you open them again everything has been flipped upside down. You’re left staring through the chaos in disbelief. On a sunny morning in Malawi, that’s where I was.
It was a perfect day for a road trip. One second, we were driving down the road with the windows down. I closed my eyes for just a moment. Then, out of nowhere, I was flung forward as our car collided with an oxen driven cart. We were showered with African dirt as I struggled to make sense of what was happening.
I looked around. Everyone in our car was okay. When I turned to look at the wreckage behind me, my heart sunk. Men were laying in the street, obviously hurt, possibly dead. In the blink of a moment, everything that had seemed so normal came crumbling down all around me. And the only thought running through my head is: Lord, what do I do?
What do you do in moments like this? In the moments where merely breathing seems so hard and yet there are others around you that are looking to you to lead. In the times when you don’t understand what’s happening for yourself, let alone to be able to try and help others understand it as well, how do you respond?
This was a part of leadership that I wasn’t prepared for. I don’t have a degree in counseling. I was never trained in how to deal with trauma and I wasn’t expected to know how. But here in this moment, I was completely broken. How do you lead from that place?
During this season of Squad Leading, I have learned that we can try to know all the right things to do. We can go to conferences. We can attend classes on leadership and all that it entails, but when things fall apart right in front of your eyes, you realize that all that time spent “preparing” you to lead and you still don’t know it all. That day I was reminded that I still need My Savior. It’s not my job to know all the right things to do, but it is my job to know Him, to rely on Him and depend on Him.
I didn’t know what to do, but He did. My Papa didn’t leave me to figure it out on my own. He was right there with me. I felt Him take me by the hand and guide me. Just like He has always done, He reached down and saved me.
We prayed fervently on behalf of all involved. The next few hours went by in slow motion as we traveled to the police station and waited for news on the accident. Our hearts were crushed as we were informed that two men had been killed. With heavy hearts, we sat and waited. We waited for God to show up, for Him to show us where He was in the midst of it.
He showed us how He had protected us. God made His Presence known, over all of it. His hand was upon us and He never left us. We may never know why those men died. We may never know if they were believers or not. But God is Sovereign in all things and we can trust Him in this. Through the heartbreak and the pain, we can still trust Him.
So for those who are leading, whether stepping into Squad leading with the World Race or some other form of leadership, I want you to know something. It’s okay to not have all the answers. In fact, if you thought you did I’d be a little more concerned. My piece of advice for you: Trust Him. Rely on Him. Depend on Him. In each moment, when things are wonderful and when there’s brokenness right in front of your face, take those few extra seconds to ask Him, “Lord, where are you in this? What do I do?”
He’s faithful. He’ll guide you. He’ll show up and take you by the hand. Nothing is too big for Him. You might not understand at the time, but it’s ok. Just trust Him. Lean into Him and see how He uses you in each moment. It’s a beautiful thing when we’re surrendered completely to our Savior.
“For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as He hears it, He answers you. And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall be for your teacher. “And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.” Isaiah 30:19-21
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