It’s been a long time since Nepal, over two months in fact.
I could say that I really wanted to write about my experiences there.
I could make the excuse that I was just too busy investing in the current month to go back in time.
I could say that time got away from me.
I could say all those things, but they just wouldn’t be true. Those words taste bitter to my tongue, true evidence that they all would be lies.
In all honesty, I didn’t want to write about anything that had to do with that time. I didn’t want to write about the hike that took us through the crazy mountains of Nepal. I didn’t want to write about the people I met or the places I lived.I didn’t even want to think about it. I didn’t have the energy to try to even begin to understand my experience there. What’s worse was that I didn’t want to. I didn’t care. To me, it was a wasted month.
I still didn’t want to talk about it during our squad month 8 debrief. However, finally a few of our squad leaders asked me to share. They encouraged me to press into why I felt that way. They gave me words of encouragement, reminding me that the God we serve brings redemption. All throughout the week, I received this word multiple times from people. “God wants to redeem Nepal for you.” and “God is a God of redemption”. Over and over and over again. You would think after a few times, I would have gotten the hint. But even those words of encouragement didn’t help me. My heart was hardened. I didn’t want God to redeem Nepal. I wanted to move onto the next country and just forget all about it.
When a few squad mates expressed desires to return to Nepal, I thought “Why? Why on earth would you want to come back to this place?” These are not the thoughts you would think someone who dedicated a year of their life to serve the Lord should ever think, yet I am being very real and vulnerable here in admitting that these were the very thoughts coursing through my mind. I couldn’t figure out why I felt that way, but I also didn’t want to. I shut that experience down in my mind, locked it away in a box, and refused to open it anymore. However, the Lord has decided to open that box now.
For our ministry, we hiked for three days with our packs along some pretty dangerous paths. We stayed with believer’s in their homes each night along the journey. We slept with baby goats, hiked through known leopard territory after dark, and bathed in a river. We traveled all that way and then when we got to the church where we were going to be helping, they almost wouldn’t let us. We were told we were going to paint, but they had brought their own people to do the work. We sat inside the church for five days. We were going to go on house visits, but then it rained and the trails were considered too dangerous. It was freezing, so we bundled up in our sleeping bags, and we waited. We waited for anything to do, but things never came. A few mornings, we were able to entertain children for about an hour before they had their school lesson, also held in this church. But that was pretty much it. Our stay got cut short when our contact had to return home suddenly to help his family.
Before we began this trek, I felt like God had given me a promise: that the hike was going to be hard, but that it would be worth it when we got to the top, when we arrived at our location. What I didn’t realize was that based off this, I had developed my own expectations of what would happen in Nepal. Whenever I struggled during the hike, I would tell myself “It’s going to be a climb, but worth it” Over and over again. I didn’t know what to expect, but I did expect that God would do something absolutely crazy. At training camp, they warn us about having expectations. They tell us how it’s better to go into a month without expectations. I heard what they said and I understood it. I just didn’t realize I was making expectations in my heart, or how much it would hurt if it didn’t turn out the way I thought it would.
I didn’t understand why we had gone through all we had gone through. I felt like our time in the Nepali village was wasted, that we didn’t do anything. It was purposeless and I couldn’t figure out why God would send us there. What did you bring us here, Lord? I would ask exasperatedly. My questions would be followed with silence. Absolutely frustrating.
However, now God has given me understanding. This trip was not a trip of “doing”. God didn’t bring us through the mountains of Nepal to do anything for Him. No, the Lord was giving us an opportunity to get a brief glimpse of the lives of the Nepali people.
We were informed of the extremely high rate of sex trafficked girls. These people were so desperate for hope, the hope of a better life, that they would give their daughters away to strangers with the promise of a job, only to never hear from their girls again.
We witnessed how far children had to climb (yes climb) just to get to a location where they can receive a humble education. We saw children hike those distances in the freezing cold with no shoes or jackets.
We learned of the sacrifices the believers there had to make to help reach other villages, where they have had their lives threatened if they ever return back to tell people about Jesus.
No, we didn’t do a whole lot in Nepal, but we definitely saw a lot.
We saw the need.
We saw the hurt.
We saw the desperation.
I’m beginning to understand what people mean when they say that God doesn’t need us. It’s absolutely true. God doesn’t need us to do anything for Him, but He chooses to use us to bring Him glory. I thought that God was going to use me to do mighty things for Him in that village. But what He really wanted was for me to see through another’s eyes, to experience the moment so that I can share with others what I have seen.
What I have seen is that the Lord loves the people of Nepal. Yes there is hardships and desperation, but His heart is for them. The people are searching for any slight glimpse of hope. What they don’t know is that the hope they are truly looking for is found in Jesus. God loves Nepal.
Join me in prayer. Pray for the believer’s there. Pray for the people, that the harvest would be plentiful as well as the workers. Pray that God would send more workers who are willing to go to the remote places where the people have never heard of Jesus before. Pray for the stronghold of the enemy to be broken. Pray for the girls who are taken everyday. Pray for the families.
There is hope for Nepal. <3
