My time here in Romania has been a little challenging. The first week, my parents were here for the Parent Vision Trip. Our time together was very enjoyable. However, towards the end of the week, I started to not feel very well. After my parents left, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with the flu. After several days of antibiotics, I was not getting better so a second trip to the doctor, this time to the hospital, confirmed that instead of the flu, I had pneumonia. During this sick time, I was confined to my bed for several days. These are the things that I learned while there.
1) I am a “do-er”.
Though resting in bed was nice for a few days, after a while I began to get restless. Watching movie after movie was not a good way to spend my days. I needed to do something more. I even cleaned the house where most of our squad is living one day, but that ended up knocking me back on my butt again. I just get so restless!
2) I hate being sick.
I know nobody really likes to be sick, but the longer my sickness has lasted, the more I realize I really, really, REALLY hate it. Being confined to a bed, not being able to see people or spend time with them will drive a girl crazy after a while. I couldn’t even take out my frustrations the way I normally would, by working out. (Let’s face it, I could hardly walk up the stairs without getting out of breath.) I felt punished, like I was paying for something, though I didn’t really know what. I just didn’t understand.
3) I am slightly performance driven.
As time continued to drag on, I started getting really frustrated with the lack of ministry that I was able to do. I felt mad at myself, because I did not travel halfway around the world just to lay in my bed. I couldn’t see how I was making a difference for the Kingdom from that position. I felt like I had failed. I felt like I had failed my team, like I had failed my contact.
4) I am stubborn.
I returned back to ministry for a few days. I wanted to pitch in again, to do the things that I was called there to do. Though I was doing well for a few days, eventually my efforts to continue to push my body knocked me back down again. I went to the hospital a second time and was given different medications and ordered to rest. They told me it will take weeks for me to even start to feel better, but that my body really just needed rest and as much as possible. I did NOT want to hear this. It has been three weeks and I am still needing to rest. “That’s ridiculous!” I thought to myself. But the body knows just what it needs and in this moment, the Lord began to speak to me.
On the drive back from the hospital, my contact started speaking to me on rest. She told me the story of a missionary from Africa who was just here. He came to Romania for a week, and was pretty booked up everyday. But on Saturday, regardless of his schedule, he canceled all of his appointments, because the Lord told him that he needed to rest. He attended church the next day and all the other things he had planned, but then on Monday again he canceled all his obligations because he needed rest. When he left, he called our contact to make sure that her and her husband were taking the time to rest after hosting him for a week. This man knew how important rest is. He has his priorities straight. The Lord really began using this story to speak to me.
Even when I was “resting”, aka watching movies, I was not really resting in the Lord. And the Lord had been trying to tell me that earlier on in the month, but then he used my contact to remind me and convict me. She talked about how sometimes the Lord calls us to rest, but we feel the need to push on, to keep going, especially for those of us who are “do-ers”. In these moments, sometimes the Lord will force us to rest. (Please hear me when I say that I do not mean that the Lord will cause us to be sick to punish us or to push us down, but I do believe that He can use sickness to force us to rest.) The Lord had told me that after the first week, but I pushed it aside, thinking that it was just me saying that. But when my contact told me the exact same thing in the car, I knew it was not coincidence and that I was not being very obedient to the Lord. In fact, I was being exactly the opposite.
5) I need to rest.
The Lord has changed my heart. He has shown me the importance of rest. I am changing my focus. If I must be confined to a bed, then I will spend that time with the Lord. I have decided to not watch any movies or TV shows, but to really use this time to rest with the Lord. Whether I’ll be napping, listening to podcasts, reading books or devotionals, or even worshiping by practicing my guitar, I will no longer be disobedient to the Lord, but obey Him and rest and allow Him to speak to me in this time. It’s funny, because where I was really dreading this beforehand, now I’m a little bit excited. Not to just sit around and waste time, but to have this time to spend with God and let Him speak to me.
Prayers for health would be most appreciated! As well as prayers for patience and dedication while I try to remain faithful to what the Lord is asking of me. Thank you so much!
In Christ,
Kayla
“So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from His. Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience.”
Hebrews 4:9-11
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