Three months.
It’s been almost three months since I returned from the race. I was nervous to come home yet excited beyond measure. To be able to sleep in my own bed? To take a hot shower (for as long as I wanted)? To eat whatever I wanted (and be able to know what it is I am eating)? What what?!?! Yes please!
I didn’t know what these three months at home would look like, but I think I can definitely say that it has not been what I expected. I have shared beforehand how re-entry has been hard for me. What I can say now is that these past three months have probably been a part of one of the hardest seasons of my walk with the Lord.
The race offers adventure. Each month, you go to a new country. You learn about a new culture, experience a new language, and explore new places. Your eyes are opened to all sorts of possibilities and you have people around you that love you to share these new experiences with. (Let’s face it, there are some things that happen on the race that only other racers will understand, and that’s ok) Right when you start to get settled in, the month is nearly over and you pack up and start all over again in a new country, with all new adventures. This is hard, when you make such great new friends just to leave them again, but it also fills your heart with a certain sense of wonder and thrill as you experience a new thing and the Lord pours blessing after blessing upon you. In ever adventure, He is the One thing that is constant.
Coming home was new, it was exciting. It screamed of new adventures! Yet as time has gone on, it has turned into the normal. Complacency has settled in and my day to day is merely a repetition of the life that I have here. And there is nothing wrong with that, with choosing to live in that lifestyle. What works for some people sometimes doesn’t for others. And this just doesn’t really work for me. No, my soul has become unsatisfied, filled with a longing and a yearning for something more. I often find myself daydreaming of just running, of chasing the sunset and exploring the unknown. At the thought of pursuing new adventures, my heart starts to soar. And I know in my deepest of hearts that I was made for so much more. My spirit stirs within me and I feel as though I might burst from holding it back. I feel stifled, like I am trying to contain myself within a clear box. I can see what’s outside of it, but I can’t quite get there yet. And suddenly I feel like I am merely surviving here.
Maybe I have a gypsy soul, maybe I’m one of those single girls who just never can settle down, a restless soul or a wandering spirit. I’ve moved around quite a lot in my life. But I think it’s even bigger than that. I think that the Lord has made my heart like this for a reason, that He has gifted me with restlessness to pursue Him even more and to help encourage others to do the same.
CGA (Center for Global Action) is only two weeks away. I’m excited and slightly nervous. It’s another new adventure and I can’t wait to begin it. But this time of waiting is hard. My soul is longing for more and the wait is exhausting. The Lord is so good to me, in that He always brings encouragement and support around right when I need it. He knows me so well.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I do love it here in Maine. The county will always hold a special in my heart. But my heart knows that I was made for deeper waters, and this journey with the Lord must continue on, to new depths and new heights; to the great unknown, for that is where my spirit thrives. And we were made to do more than just survive. We were made to thrive.
As these next two weeks go by, I pray that I will remain present. I pray that I will remain intentional with the people around me. And I pray that God would bless me with patience and new adventures everyday. To quote the disney movie, ‘Up’ “Adventure is out there!” I just have to keep my eyes open. 🙂
*I am currently about $5,500 away from being funded for CGA. If you would prayerfully consider partnering with me in this great adventure, you can do so by clicking the “support me” tab on the left hand side of this blog. Thank you so much!
with love,
Kayla
