As I sit in the floor of this dark empty room, I wonder if He will come.
The carpet is so soft. Shaggy and white – my favorite. The walls a light sandy color, just enough color to set the mood for calm. The chairs that normally occupied the floor space are all gone.
As I sit in the floor of this dark empty room, I wonder if He will come.
I feel so alone.
The band begins to play. And the music – ahhh. It begins to settle my spirit. They don’t even realize I exist. They are just here. Playing. Worshiping. Its almost as if they are simply part of the atmosphere.
As I sat in the middle of this floor, eyes closed, falling into the music, I still wonder if He will come.
Suddenly, I feel His hand on my cheek. He leads my face to look at His. We lock eyes and it’s over.
I am not alone.
I had waited for Him. I had waited for Him because it is only when I am with Him that everything else falls away. The insecurities, the fears, the worry, stress, the shame, and anger are no longer an issue, no longer a problem.
I don’t want Him to leave!
He takes a step back, eyes still locked, and He puts His hand out.
“Baby, will you trust Me?” He asks.
He is so gentle, so real. He is the pure and raw definition of true love.
Suddenly fear takes over. Anxiety and insecurity quickly dance their way through my mind.
What if I do give in? What if? Will He let me go, too? Will everything that I give Him be worth the sacrifice? Will giving Him my heart just end up in more broken pieces? Will He let me go as soon as I give Him my hand?
As I sit there on the floor scared to give in, I look at Him and plead with tears running down my face, “please don’t hurt me anymore than I already have been.” I don’t know how much more I can take. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.
I feel so weak, vulnerable, and exposed. I feel so –
Wait. What do I feel? This is different and unfamiliar.
I am no longer sitting in the floor of this dark empty room, wondering if He will come. He is there
But, what is happening?
The music continues to play and it is perfect in every way. It is telling our story.
********
You steady me, slow and sweet, we sway. Take the lead and I will follow. Finally ready now to close my eyes and just believe that You won’t lead me where You don’t go
When my faith gets tired and my hope seems lost, You spin me round and round and remind me of that song, the one You wrote for me and we dance.
And I’ve been told to pick up my sword and fight for love. Little did I know that Love had won for me.
Here in Your arms You still my heart again and I breathe You in like I’ve never breathed ’till now.
When my faith gets tired and my hope seems lost, You spin me round and round and remind me of that song, the one You wrote for me and we dance.
And I will lock eyes with the One who’s ransomed me, the One who gave me joy for mourning and I will lock eyes with the One who’s chosen me, the One who set my feet to dancing?
We dance just You and me. It’s nice to know I’m not alone, I found my home here in Your arms. It’s nice to know I’m not alone? I found my home here in Your arms. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I found my home here in Your arms.
*****
And suddenly He has me in His arms.
Who is this man? Why does He want me? Does He know what He is doing? What He is getting Himself into?
I begin to drown Him in questions.
Don’t you know who I am, who I have been, what I have done? Don’t you remember the times that I purposefully turned my back on you and cursed You to your face? Don’t you remember when I looked for other lovers because You were not good enough? Don’t you remember when I tried to drown You out with drugs and alcohol? Don’t you remember when I blatantly disobeyed you because I hated you? Don’t you remember me hating you? Because I do. I remember it all and I do not have a clue why you would want someone like me!
But, He doesn’t hesitate for even a moment.
“Yes, I know who you are! I know who you have been but I also know who you were created to be and that person that you were, you no longer are. Don’t you remember when you asked me to forgive you? When I said yes, I meant it! So the times that you turned your back, cursed me, searched out other lovers, tried to drown me out with other things, blatantly disobeyed, and even hated me – I don’t know what you are talking about. That was forgotten when you came back to Me.
Do you know why I keep you? Because you are My beloved, my favorite one. You are chosen, beautiful, and wanted. There is nothing that you can do that will make me love you less and nothing you can do to make me love you more. It is simple. You are mine!”
With eyes still locked, He asks me again if I trust Him.
What is happening to me?? My heart. My heart is overwhelmed and without reservation, I yell out “YES!! You can have my yes forever and always!”
It was in this moment that everything that had kept me chained down on that floor was lifted off and healing truly began.
You should have seen the look on His face! The biggest smile you have ever seen. He grabs me and tells me to follow His lead and He will take me to places I never dreamed of. He met me where I was, He loved me, He protected and calmed my heart like never before. And we danced. We danced until I fell asleep. It was this day that I began to fall in love, for real, for the first time ever.
This is true love, what true love looks like – redemption, forgiveness, unconditional acceptance and pure, raw passion from the One who gave His life for me so that we could dance together forever. This is true love. A passionate pursuit when I did not deserve to be pursued.
I will forever give Him, Jesus, my yes. To the end of time, whatever He wants from me is His.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFfw6OSbUwE
